Day 36 – Self Transformation of Appreciation


For context listen to the interview LifeReview – Expecting Appreciation from Others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop an energetic relationship within myself of doing something to ‘get’ appreciation from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the relationship within myself of where if/when I get ‘positive’ feedback from others as appreciation that I experience a positive experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being rewarded when others show me appreciation for what I’ve done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel an actual energetic rush like a warm surge within myself when another reacts in appreciation toward what I have done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent / addicted to getting appreciation from others, which is like being addicted to a drug which cause a certain feeling in oneself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that this is actually manipulation of others and of myself where I manipulate others by performing certain actions in order to have them react in a certain way/the way I want, which is to react within/as appreciation, so utilizing my actions in order to manipulate them to show me appreciation, which is to actually manipulate myself to be able to experience that ‘feel good’ feeling I get when someone shows appreciation toward me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within this I have enslaved myself to energy, where my very actions are directed by the want/need/desire to have others react in appreciation, in order to generate this energetic experience for myself within myself, and thus I have become addicted to energy, and living only for this energy, where my actions are directed according to that which will get me this energy, and thus I am not here actually living, as myself, but have enslaved myself to energy which must be constantly and continuously generated through my participation, and thus in living to get energy to consume, I am actually consuming my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that as parents we program and encourage this energetic relationship within the children within saying things like ‘I really like it when you do this for me’ and putting on ‘nice’ behaviors like smiling or giving a hug, within this encouraging and affirming this relationship to develop within the child, who will then live as this behavior throughout their life and then teach it to their children as well, so passing on the sins of the fathers, we keep ourselves trapped in cycles of enslavement to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within living as this pattern I am thus not living as myself and for myself, where what I do would not depend on what reaction another might have, and my experience of myself would not change according to other’s reactions, but I would remain stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that actual satisfaction comes from living as and for myself, as real satisfaction comes from self, within living for self, and not living enslaved to seeking out energy where what I do is thus not for myself as what I’d actually like to do, but is directed for and within the desire for an energetic experience, which isn’t real or sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to react in appreciation when I do something for them, as that is how others had generally reacted in the past when I would do something for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the nature of energy as polarity where when someone does not react in the expected way by showing appreciation, I then go into the opposite reaction where instead of having a positive reaction within myself, I have a negative reaction as for example disappointment, confusion, frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from appreciation by trying to get it from other people instead of expressing appreciation as myself for myself.

I commit myself to realize how accepting and allowing the relationship of existing and living for other’s appreciation is self sabotage that keeps me from living as and for myself, but a slave to addiction and dependence on energy to manipulate myself to experience myself in a certain way.

I commit myself to consider what self appreciation in fact means, as being comfortable and accepting of who I am within myself and my living, where my starting point is myself and not dependent on other human beings to give me a part of myself which is already in myself I just require to live it as myself.

I commit myself to live as self appreciation for myself, and not separating myself from appreciation in trying to get it from others, which leads me to using and gearing my behavior toward manipulating others to give me the desired reaction as appreciation.

I commit myself to stopping reactions within myself toward how another reacts to what I do, within this bringing my expression back to myself so that I am expressing myself as myself, not as and for the purpose of generating energy as an energetic experience within myself, but for and as myself as that is the key to real actual satisfaction and appreciation, where I appreciate what I do and am not existing as and wasting my life away within wishing, hoping, wanting, needing, desiring, others to show appreciation.

I commit myself to within my process of self investigation and self transformation, seeing where in my life am I wanting or expecting others to appreciate me and transform that behavior and living into self appreciation, to no longer separate myself from appreciation where I am always existing in the desire for appreciation because I am not giving it to myself, but to live it as myself so that I cannot then  actually ever be without it as it is a part of me as me as my expression as my living.

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