Day 69: Self Forgiveness on the ‘Fear of Failure’ Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ‘Fear of Failure’ Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is only a thought that comes up that I accept so immediately that I do not even notice the thought, and immediately go into the specific play-out once the character has been activated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is a thought, and to not consider that if who I am is directed and controlled by a thought, then I am not really here as myself, as I’m being directed by something in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the thought/belief that I will fail, within this not considering how can I know that I will fail before I have even tried.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I participate in this thought and believe it, that I will then actually manifest the failure myself, as I’ve already decided and accepted within myself that I am going to fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat in relation to the thought I accepted, within this not realizing that this internal conversation was me reinforcing my belief in the thought and actually manifesting my own failure by actually literally talking myself into it, within the very words I allowed myself to speak within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat ‘what is the point if I’m just going to fail’, and not realize that within this I have assumed/taken for granted that I will/am going to fail, and then to use this assumption/projection as an excuse to then not even try. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that if I am not yet effective at something, then I am certainly not going to get more effective by not doing it and walking the practical process that it takes to learn how to do something effectively, and thus the logic that there is ‘no point’ if I am ‘going to fail’ is completely backwards, as ‘failure’ or a miss-take, would simply indicate that I require to consider how to realign myself to the task at hand to be more effective in my approach, or to determine whether it is something I actually can’t do, and to then let it go completely to focus on what I can do, so that within this, my focus is always on how to be/become more effective in whatever way possible, and not sabotaging myself by holding myself back within a belief/assumption that I can’t do something and that I will fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat ‘Man, I don’t want to go through that’, within this, not realizing that what it is that I am saying I ‘don’t want to go through’ is how I will experience myself within myself to/toward a certain situation, in this case ‘failure’ as how I’ve formed a relationship to this word, wherein I take it ‘personally’ and create an experience within myself when I have ‘failed’, wherein I will experience depression, self pity, sadness, anger, rage, disappointment in myself, and it is actually these feelings/emotions that experience in reaction to ‘failure’ that I am wanting to avoid/not go through, by not even trying. Thus the solution is not to stop trying in an attempt to avoid the situation that would trigger this reaction, but rather to stop allowing this experience within myself, toward ‘failure’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat ‘Why do I always fail?’ within this not realizing that I do not actually always fail, that I am just seeing it this way within my mind in order to manipulate myself to have an energetic experience, in order to distract myself from actually applying myself here, within this not realizing how the mind distort reality which indicates that the mind cannot be trusted as it will lead to self deception and patterns that support self limitation in separating oneself from reality into a world of make-believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore how I have been mind controlled by a single thought, where just from believing in and participating in a single thought, an entire pattern of physical behaviors, backchat internal conversations and emotion/feeling experiences is activated which I am not actually directing, and thus I am actually allowing myself to be a mind possessed zombie that is not actually here and not actually living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that by giving in to the thought of failure and becoming the ‘fear of failure’ character, I am accepting self limitation, and thus sabotaging myself to not grow/expand/develop into my fullest potential and be a real being here.

Day 21 – Slave to Emotions & Feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that participating in and experiencing feelings takes me away from here from the physical reality and takes me into my mind into an energetic experience, so that I am no longer here and present in reality, but am ‘lost’ in a made-up mind reality in an experience that is pre-designed within my mind consciousness system, based on memories and chemical reactions that take place within my human physical body utilizing the resources of the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I did not start out in this life as a child experiencing emotions but that it only began some years after I was born, and because I did not understand what was happening and because the energetic experiences came from within myself, I figured they must be ‘me’, not realizing how could they be ‘me’ if I they just came up inside of me as if ‘out of nowhere’, and thus obviously was not something that I was directing as myself in awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiencing emotions is normal, and thus is to be accepted, as everyone else seemed to be accepting it as a normal part of ‘being human’, within accepting a fixed idea/definition of what ‘being human’ is, not considering or realizing that ‘being human’ is what we decide in each moment within who and what we live as – that we are ‘defining’ what it means to ‘be human’ in each and every moment, with each breath we take, in everything we do and say, and what we accept and allow ourselves to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiencing emotions is ‘good’ or beneficial in some way, or makes the human ‘more’ or ‘better than’ or ‘special’ compared to beings that don’t experience emotions like animals or like is portrayed in movies and television - like in for example in the movie Equilibrium, the TV series V, or in Star Trek with the emotionless ‘Borgs’, and in the series Battlestar Galactica with the unfeeling ‘Cylons’ - within the theme of ‘having emotions is what makes us human’ (implying special and unique in a positive way) and portraying being s that don’t experience emotions in a negative light – within this not realizing that having emotions is actually a limitation, as it takes you away from reality here and into an alternate reality that is made-up fiction, as it’s not really happening here in reality, it’s only an energetic experience inside yourself, and thus you are distracted and ‘removed’ from reality for a moment, which makes you less effective in reality or even renders you unable to participate in reality, depending on the intensity of the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the system of emotions and feelings within me because I liked the experience of the positive feelings and wanting to experience those positive feelings all the time, not realizing that those feelings come at a cost – at the cost of my physical human body, as to generate the feelings the mind uses the resources within the human physical body, thus depleting the body of the resources it requires to function properly, manifesting various ailments and malfunctions and causing damage to my physical human body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think having positive emotions is ‘beautiful’ and ‘wonderful’, not considering the actual cost of those experiences and the harm being done, and the eventual consequences I will experience as a result of participating in and as feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or consider that I could actually just be here as myself, constant and stable, without experiencing the fluctuations of the polarity system of emotions, and causing unnecessary harm to my body, which allows me to live and exist and express myself here in physical reality.

I commit myself to not participating in the system of emotions and feelings, so that I can be here as a real participant in reality, not being enslaved to a pre-programmed pre-designed system which takes me away from here and into my mind in a fantasy land in a self-created energetic experience that feeds off of the resources of my human physical body.

I commit myself to respect my body, as it is my body through and as which I have a presence here and can live and express in this physical reality, and not cause it harm by participating in feelings and emotions.