Humanity's Journey to Life: experience

Showing posts with label experience. Show all posts

Day 189: Why Me THOUGHT Dimension – Every Little Thing ADDS UP

What I find when I look at the Thought Dimension, the Thought as picture/image/scenario that comes up in my mind, is something along the lines of, for example, images of the events that happened throughout the day or whatever span of time, which are events that I have ‘collected’ in a way, as I went along through my life, through my day, where each event was something that I made something ‘more’ out of. Where it is ‘each little thing’ that I have taken and attached negative feelings to, as ‘something bad that has happened to me’ that adds to my definition of being a victim.

Another dimension to this, is a point of comparison, where I will for example, take all those negative points, and then compare them to how I perceive another’s day/life/time to be going, where I see it as, they haven’t had as many bad things happen to them as I have, and through this can also activate and feed and substantiate this character of Why Me victimhood.

So what it comes down to, is actually always a comparison – it’s either comparing my situation to what I perceive another’s situation to be, or comparing my situation to an idea in my mind of what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’ or what is ‘unfair’. I mean, this is how the mind operates through comparison, to generate conflict, to generate energy, to fuel its existence.

Why am I investigating this? Because I’m really not interested in being a slave to my thoughts, being a slave to what is nothing more than an Image in my Mind, an illusion, a fantasy, made up for what? To create an experience within which I keep myself in this state of always being a victim. I mean, WHY would I want to Waste even One Single Breath in such an experience, instead of simply being here, living and breathing and experiencing actual reality, as a present and aware participant that has possession of all my faculties, not the other way around, with my Mind possessing Me.

And therefore I apply the Solution here of writing out this pattern, to see how it operate. Getting into the nitty-gritty of it, like what is the actual thought that come up, so that I have named it, and now it can’t ‘fool me’ again when it come up, I know what the heck is going on, and am not going to participate, as I know what it is, and what it leads to. It’s just a thought which is really just as substantial as a fart, no, not even, and what happens if I follow it is I waste more breaths of my limited amount of breaths that I have in this life, within an experience that isn’t even real, it’s created out of the resources of my human physical body, which didn’t even ask to be used in such a way, and which I didn’t ask permission, I just imposed this on my physical human body at its expense, and without consideration of the consequences.

So here I’ll now walk some Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment statements in relation to the Thought Dimension of this Why Me character/personality:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the Thoughts that come up in my mind, such that I never questioned what they were, where they came from, or what is the consequence of my participation in them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I actually deliberately utilize and follow my thoughts in order to generate an experience within myself, particularly here the experience of being a ‘victim’, and to within this not consider how I am actually a victim of myself of my own decision to participate in my thoughts and victimize myself within such an experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in/validate/give value to the thoughts that come up in my mind, such as the thought of ‘all the bad things’ that have ‘piled up’ in my day/life, as being ‘negative’ or ‘too much’ or ‘more than another has to go through’ or ‘unfair’, and within this to not see that it is just to create a certain perception of my life, so that from that perception I can be entirely controlled and possessed within a definition of myself and my life, purely to generate conflict within myself to feed the mind, and to always be pre-occupied with a mind experience instead of being here, facing reality, taking responsibility, and really living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question how it is that a single thought as an image in my mind could activate an entire character/personality system which then determines how I then experience myself, what I think, what I feel, how I act, which we will get further into the nitty-gritty details of in posts to come in dissecting the Why Me character.
I commit myself to investigate every aspect/dimension of this character, so to ‘take myself back’ from where I have given my ‘power’ away to thoughts.

I commit myself to when and as I see the Thought arise of where I see a picture/image of various things/events that’s happened to me in the past, with negative feeling attached, I stop and breathe and do not allow myself to follow this thought, as I know exactly where it leads = No Where. Which is the same as Not Here.

I commit myself to doing a complete reversal of instead of where I would utilize such thoughts as a tool for self sabotage and limitation, to now utilize such thoughts when/if they come up as a tool to ‘set me free’, as these thoughts are actually showing me what I have allowed myself to exist as, where I have attached negative feelings to events that have happened to me, that they now come up in such a thought as little negative experiences that I have accumulated little by little until it becomes this total ‘reason’ as to why I’m such a ‘victim’ and ‘poor me’, ‘why me’, ‘it isn’t fair’ take-over experience.

Thus, I commit myself to when such thought comes up, look at the specific points that come up within the thought to see what I have attached a negative judgment toward, and to see how I have accumulated these memories throughout my day/my life/over some period of time, so that I can get to see how I am doing that in the moment, to assist and support myself to stop accumulating such points, until it adds up to a total justification of WHY ME, where I utilize all the accumulated points to justify going into the victim character, and sabotage my life in reality.

I commit myself to realizing that there is never any reason to follow a thought as it is just a wild goose-chase to keep me pre-occupied from actual life and living in actual reality.

In the next post in the Why Me series, we’ll take a look at the Imagination Dimension.

Day 185: WHY ME - Drunk on the Whine of Imagination

www.Desteni.org

In this blog post we are now continuing from this previous post: Day 183: Everything that Happens to Me is Another Excuse to Feel Bad, in which I have started to open up the point of taking what’s going on in my reality, events that are taking place or that happen throughout the day, which I would define as negative, and take it personally in a ‘why me’ victim type character. And I formed such a habit, such an addiction to this character, that I still live it to this day, and that is why I am here blogging about it – to assist and support myself to stop this pattern, through walking myself through it, point by point, within specific detail, in order to identify the pattern so that I can recognize it when it is happening and what it is that triggers it, to give myself the opportunity and ability to stop what has essentially become an automated process, to the extent where I would act on it immediately in a situation when a particular trigger arise.

The problem with living as this pattern of participating in the mind within making myself a victim to everything within my imagination, where I imagine that everything else s to blame for how I experience myself, is that I manifest all kinds of consequence for myself that just isn’t necessary at all. I mean, why would I want to create consequence for myself to go through if I really don’t have to? It doesn’t make any sense, it has just become an automated habit, that I do because it’s become what I’m used to/addicted to as I’ve what I’ve accepted is ‘normal’.

The effects are really not pleasant, there is depression and getting upset/overwhelmed with emotions, which is a really draining experience, and takes quite a toll on the physical, is a big waste of time – why do I want to spend the breaths that I have here in this life, within a self-created shit-storm of emotions and feelings, when I could simply be here, stable as myself and really get to know myself as this actual reality that is here, no longer caught up in an imaginary reality in my mind – and it interferes with my relationships, as I go into blame and reaction instead of just being here with another person and not creating any drama. Do I really want to be ‘unwittingly’ acting out a role in a Drama as the Star in my own Play, where I ‘play out’ the patterns in my mind, over and over again?

No way.

How can I enjoy myself or myself with another being, when I am possessed within an experience in my mind? When I am in this character I am definitely am not enjoying myself. It is quite a disempowering experience, as I am literally disempowering myself by giving my ‘power’ away to thoughts/feelings/emotions/my mind, in essentially saying ‘go ahead, you take over and direct me now’ within just the simple acceptance of myself as being what comes up in my mind as an experience of myself. And instead of living, I become an observer of my own life, and then a reaction to that observation, and so am not really here living, I’m just a reaction to an observation – how limited.

The Solution to this problem is the application of a process of self forgiveness and commitment to self correction, as has been discussed in previous blogs, where one utilize writing (or typing) as a tool for self change, through self investigation, as within one’s writing, one can see who one is, as the words one live, find the patterns self exist/live as that are not supportive, and to rescript oneself into corrective application, to assist and support self to actually change one’s living. Thus, I’ll be walking this series of posts on this topic of this ‘why me’ VICTIM Character, in between walking the series on WAR which began in the previous post.

Essentially the essence of e Victim character is to immediately utilize any excuse/reason/justification to go into a point of limitation, placing myself as a victim to my world/reality, really anything, instead of what in common sense would be much more worthwhile would be to always look how I can take responsibility, within this always looking at/considering in any given situation, what ability do I have to respond – ultimately expanding oneself at every opportunity.

Which brings us to the Rewards of no longer existing as this pattern. I mean, why stop this pattern? It is so easy to continue living as it, as it’s what I’ve gotten used to, and thus to stop it is not going to feel ‘normal’ or ‘natural’, in fact it is going to go exactly against what I feel comfortable with, what I even believe/think/perceive I am capable of, as this is how I’ve always existed practically my whole life since when I was a child in the first seven years.

From that perspective it’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to ‘feel good’, and thus how/why so many are trapped within the ‘only do what feels good trap’ to never take the opportunities where one might actually expand oneself into real living here, because one deliberately ignore what is uncomfortable. But like anyone who has struggled at something new, to eventually become good at it, can realize that new things are not easy in the beginning, as one has to push oneself beyond what one is already capable of, for example, with physical activities, one is going to be sore as one develop one’s muscles to perform certain tasks and maneuvers that one hasn’t done before.
Thus the key is to not stop at the point of discomfort, but to push through, realizing that it is the indication for a point of self change and self expansion, through self willed self application to breathe and move through any resistance.

Thus in terms of this Victim Character, what one essentially stands to gain, is literally life itself as actual real living to one’s full potential, through no longer accepting and becoming limitation. Within this, you will constantly be expanding your abilities in this world to constantly be able to do more and go beyond what you could before.

As we go further into specifics of this Character of Victimhood in posts to come, we’ll uncover in more specificity the nature and design of this character, to better recognize the pattern of behavior and how it activates and takes-over within a process of mind participation within thoughts, imagination, backchat, emotions, and feelings, where one completely and totally limit oneself, instead of recognizing an opportunity to develop self as self will, self expression and becoming more than one ever thought possible.

To be continued..

Day 183: Everything that Happens to Me is Another Excuse to Feel Bad

Heaven's Journey to Life

A pattern that I have noticed within myself, that we’re going to take a look at in this post and posts to come, is a pattern that has been a really fundamental design of my personality which I’ve lived as throughout my life, and through which I caused myself a lot of misery. It is a pattern of essentially making something out of nothing. Where I’d take whatever is here going on in my world and reality, in the day to day, and make something out of it, using it as a reason to go into a victim experience, like ‘oh man, I can’t believe this is happening to me’, and ‘first this, and now that’ where I would throughout the day and even throughout my life, be keeping a sort of ‘tally’ of everything ‘unfortunate’ that’s happened to me, and how unfair my life is.

And through this pattern of behavior I formed and maintained a self definition of being a victim to the world, a victim to the experiences I had and what would come up in my life. What I didn’t see, realize or understand is that I was actually victimizing myself, through my participation in this personality design. The experience that I created within myself through my participation in/as the mind within the multiple dimensions of thoughts, imagination, feelings, emotions, internal conversations, was my own doing, and had nothing to do with whatever was happening/place in my life, as it was directly as a result of my participation in the mind that created how I experienced myself, as my relationship to myself, my life, and the world.

Yet, there is the tendency to think and believe that it is what is going on in our life that is ‘the reason I feel this way or that’, that it’s the events that come up that are to blame for how we react and how we experience ourselves. I mean, I believed this. I believed that because my boyfriend cheated on me, it was normal to feel like shit, to feel worthless, and to just overall be completely possessed by an experience of depression. If people were nice to me throughout the day, I felt good about life. If I had several ‘negative’ encounters, I hated life, hated people, hated everything and felt depressed and like ‘what’s the point’.

As children, we learn to react certain ways toward certain things, and since we have no frame of reference for what we’re experiencing or why or how thoughts, feelings and emotions work, we just go along with it accepting it as normal, as that’s the example we see from everyone else as well- the adults in our lives, our parents, no one has a clue what’s really going on in one’s own mind, and it’s just accepted as normal, and we pass on these reactions and this acceptance that our environment is actually creating this reactions/experiences within us, on to the next generation, and the next.
So I, like everyone else, had accepted these patterns of reactions as normal, and that it really is things in my reality that’s causing it. I’m sad because it’s raining and I was going to have a picnic. I feel so good because ‘my song’ is playing on the radio. And so on. You can find all kinds of examples if you look at your own reactions toward things. As you walk through your day, just notice where you find yourself thinking, ‘I’m so this because of that’, or ‘Man, I feel so this’ and then look at what is the ‘that’ that ‘made you’ feel that way.

So the problem with this is that we’ve essentially made ourselves victims to our environment, and so now we don’t even see what is actually a real problem or not, because we’ve gone and fabricated problems toward what is here, and now we don’t know what’s real or not. The consequence of when we make up this construct of essentially an ‘if this, then that’ program and live as if that is real, is we are enslaving ourselves, to our own mind, to now go into a certain reaction in a certain situation, and thus we’re not really here living, but essentially going from one reaction to the next. Which is quite exhausting, as it takes energy to generate these reactions, for which the mind utilize the resources of the physical body. And thus why we over time become more and more ‘aged’ as we call it, but it is really the consequence of the depletion of the physical body to an extent which it can’t effectively replenish, and thus deteriorate until we start to lose functions and all sorts of conditions begin to develop, like strokes and such, the body can’t take it anymore.

The solution to this, to put it simply, is to stop existing as these patterns of energy-experiences, and thus why I am walking this patterns and others here in this blog, to through the application of self writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, assist and support myself to stop myself as essentially existing as nothing more than energy-experiences, which will lead to the inevitable reward of discovering what it means to really live, and actually living.

We will further open up this point in posts to come..

If you want to find out more about this process of moving from being an energy bi-product to Life, read the articles at Desteni, and visit the forums there to get perspectives and take place in discussions.
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Day 168: Self Forgiveness for Missing the Planet Under Our Nose

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be so unaware of my world and reality to not realize that while I am fantasizing on finding a planet in outer space that can sustain life, to miss the fact that I am actually already living on a massive planet within outer space that can sustain life and is busy doing so.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not question why I am interested in searching for/finding another planet, why I would want to find another planet to live on, when I already live on a planet that is sustaining me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the reason I want/desire to ‘go to another planet’ is because I think/hope/desire that somehow it will be ‘better’ there than it is here, and thus the reason I desire to go to another planet is actually because I am disappointed with the life we have created here on this planet for ourselves, and thus I am actually just wanting to escape the reality of here, which is the reality of ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the reality of being able to actually go to another planet, as to whether that would be even possible, and that this lack of questioning indicates that I don’t actually want to go to another planet, but am just wanting to believe in a fantasy that will never be fulfilled, just to distract me from reality here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if we can’t take care of this planet we will just do the same to another, and end up in exactly the same position, that is if we could even somehow move to another planet, and thus if the human has any respect for life, we would not allow ourselves to cause such hell to yet another planet, just the same as we should really question why we keep bringing children into this world, as each new life we birth here is born into hell that we’ve created.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as a society where there is so little consideration for the physical reality because we have become the mind to such extent that we have so little awareness or regard for the physical that we abuse it in every way possible, and then instead of realizing what we are doing, and then standing up to change ourselves and our behavior into that which is best for life, we rather daydream and fantasize about going to other planets, that we will never actually go to, not even realizing the potential we have here to create a world where life can be lived to the fullest, and that if we do not do it here, we will do it nowhere.

I commit myself to question that which draws my attention away from reality here, such as fantasies about going to other planets, and realize that such a fantasy is never going to come true, and is only keeping me from taking action to make this world the world that I am seeking for and not realizing that it is right here under my nose, that there is nothing wrong or disappointing with this world, but it is me as humanity that is disappointing ourselves by disregarding life in the physical and living only for the mind and the system, through which we are destroying our world here, the only habitable planet we actually have.

I commit myself to finally educate myself, and all of humanity as myself, in how to take care of this the planet, and all the life that is here, including nature, the animals, the humans, and to show how the current way we are living is ruining this planet and all life on it, and that it is in fact possible to live another way, and change our approach to life to support of life rather than abuse of life, and within this to show that it is in fact much more work to be abusive than it is when we work together in harmony, instead of harming each other for money.

And thus, I commit myself to establishing an Equal Money System, as the outer manifestation of my respect for all life here, in the life that it gives me, within realizing that to give life is to receive life in turn, and to take from life is to have your life taken from you, and thus it’s to give as you’d like to receive, in order to manifest a world that is best for all, that we would not wish/hope/dream/desire to escape from, when it’s really only ourselves we want to escape from, and thus when we change ourselves to beings that live as what we can stand to be for eternity, we'll no longer desire to escape ourselves, and can simply be here and really for once, live.

Day 157: I Don’t Want to Do This: FEAR Dimension (Part 2)

Equal Money to End Abuse

This post is a continuation to:

Day 139: The ‘I Don’t Want To Do This’ Character

Day 140: 'I Don’t Want to Do This': Thought Dimension

Day 141: I Don’t Want to Do This: Thought Dimension (Part 2)

Day 143: I Don’t Want to Do This: Imagination Dimension (Part 1)

Day 144: I Don’t Want to Do This: Imagination Dimension (Part 2)

Day 145: I Don’t Want to Do This: Imagination Dimension (Part 3)

Day 146: I Don’t Want to Do This: Backchat Dimension (Part 1)

Day 147: I Don’t Want to Do This: Backchat Dimension (Part 2)

Day 148: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 1)

Day 149: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 2)

Day 150: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 3)

Day 151: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 1)

Day 152: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 2)

Day 153: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 3)

Day 154: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 4)

Day 155: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 5)

Day 156: I Don’t Want to Do This: FEAR Dimension

In the last post I wrote about the FEAR Dimension of the I Don’t Want to Do This Character/Personality as to how and why I created this character initially, and now in this post, I’ll walk the Self Forgiveness statements in relation to those points.

Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child form this character/personality in protection of my self interest, where I thought that by participating in this character I’d be able to somehow manipulate my situation so that I can be experiencing what I ‘want’ to experience, within this not seeing, realizing and understanding that all I was changing was my internal experience of myself, and thus this character/personality was not actually ‘protecting’ my experience, as through this personality/character, I was actually creating my experience, by participating in the mind as thought, imagination, backchat, reactions, and energy-experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the idea/belief about what I ‘want to do’ vs. what I ‘don’t want to do’ was based on only what I was used to experiencing, which in my childhood, was mostly freedom from responsibility/obligations/work, and where such things were presented to me with a ‘negative’ charge to them, and to copy the examples within my reality within copying this same relationship toward work/responsibility/obligation, as seeing it as negative, in comparison to what I was used to doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this relationship of ‘what I want to do’ vs. ‘what I don’t want to do’, was actually not supportive to me in any way, but was actually a pattern which supports me to remain limited, as if I stick to what it is ‘I want to do’ as being free from responsibility/obligation, then I create consequences in my own personal life and the world at large, as I did not realize the nature of the reality we live in, where we’re in a physical reality where there is cause and effect, and that this implies that I have responsibilities to ensure that my words and actions are that which cause the best effect in this reality, as what/how I create this reality will be the direct result of what I accept and allow, and thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how by putting ‘what I want to do’ before taking care of my responsibilities, would have a detrimental effect on my world/reality.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the connection between me living as this character within which I put ‘what I want’ before what’s required to be done, to how humanity is living this pattern on the larger scale, and that what I accept myself to live as, I accept all others to live as, and thus I am responsible for humanity putting ‘wants’ before responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what was presented to me in my childhood, as the examples I saw in which working/responsibility/obligation was presented as a negative thing, and to within this, emulate the behaviors/experiences/feelings I saw presented toward working/responsibility/obligation, and within this not questioning why/how it is that we are actually having an experience toward responsibility/obligation, that is not the experience of doing the responsibility/obligation itself, but is a ‘superimposed’ experience that I’ve attached to working/responsibility that is actually only taking place within me, that I in fact created, accepted and allowed within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that forming a character in which I manipulate my inner experience will somehow have a beneficial effect on my outer experience, within this not realizing that the thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/ energy were only taking place within my myself within my mind, and thus have no effect/bearing on physical reality.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, understand that by participating in/living as this character/personality, that I actually had a ‘negative’ effect on my life, as instead of being effective within my life and applying myself within what is here and what needs to be done as my responsibilities within getting a job and working to support myself, and getting myself into a position to have an effect in this world/reality, I accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by energies from the mind to avoid my responsibilities and the opportunities I had in my life, by always choosing to go for the ‘positive’ as ‘what I want’, within that not realizing the consequence that I was creating for myself and the world, as within accepting myself to remain limited, I accepted this world the way it is, choosing my own ‘personal experience’ over what is here that needs to be done, within the realization that I do not exist alone in this world, and that there is extensive suffering taking place in this world as a direct result of our collective acceptance and allowance, and thus I have a responsibility to stand up and do what I can while I am here in this life, to take action to stop these problems we’re creating and create a world that is Best for all Life.

We’ll go up to here for now, and continue with self Forgiveness statements on the FEAR Dimension within the next post to come.

Day 156: I Don’t Want to Do This: FEAR Dimension

'Alternate Realities' by Andrew Gable

This post is a continuation to:

Day 139: The ‘I Don’t Want To Do This’ Character

Day 140: 'I Don’t Want to Do This': Thought Dimension

Day 141: I Don’t Want to Do This: Thought Dimension (Part 2)

Day 143: I Don’t Want to Do This: Imagination Dimension (Part 1)

Day 144: I Don’t Want to Do This: Imagination Dimension (Part 2)

Day 145: I Don’t Want to Do This: Imagination Dimension (Part 3)

Day 146: I Don’t Want to Do This: Backchat Dimension (Part 1)

Day 147: I Don’t Want to Do This: Backchat Dimension (Part 2)

Day 148: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 1)

Day 149: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 2)

Day 150: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 3)

Day 151: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 1)

Day 152: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 2)

Day 153: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 3)

Day 154: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 4)

Day 155: I Don’t Want to Do This: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 5)

Now in this post we’re going to take a look at the Fear Dimension of the I Don’t Want to Do This Character/Personality, to see how/why I formed this character, in relation to not only working/doing my job, but really toward taking care of responsibilities/obligations in general, as that is the real root/essence of the character. So, I formed this character in order to protect my self-interest, as that is the basis for why we form character/personalities – in order to protect ourselves from some ‘perceived threat’ to our own personal interest, since as children we generally learn to consider only our own personal experience, and disregard the rest of reality, as it’s not happening to me.

I did not realize the importance and effect it would have to make sure my responsibilities are taken care of, because I didn’t realize that we live in a physical reality where there is consequence if you don’t take care of your responsibilities. Because as a child, I was free of ‘responsibilities’, as parents tend to want to give their children a ‘carefree time’ before you have to grow up and go out into the system and get a job and take on all these responsibilities that come with living in the world in the current system. And so it’s like they want to give you your ‘playtime’ before you have buckle down into the system and become a slave that works to give life to the system, just for your survival in return, because they don’t enjoy it, and they know you’re not going to enjoy it, but it’s accepted as the way it is. And as a child, you pick up on that energy within how ‘work’ is presented, and responsibilities/obligations, where it’s like a ‘negative thing’.

I remember also, seeing examples within television shows, cartoons, books, that presented it as if it’s normal to not want to work, and to have an experience toward it of resistance and wanting to get out of it. And so I copied the examples that I saw, and followed suit with this behavior, in believing that it makes sense to have such reactions to working, and I didn’t even question it, like why should I be having reactions within myself that change my internal experience?

And it’s almost like, as a way of coping with the ‘helplessness’ of not having a choice but having to go into this system as it currently exists, within the situation of there being very little likelihood of getting a ‘decent’ job with ‘decent’ pay, it’s as if that since I felt I couldn’t do anything about my outer situation, that by manipulating my internal experience, at least I was changing/affecting something. Which is really quite ridiculous when you look at it.

So, in looking at why I would form this character/personality of not wanting to do the task that’s before me, and developing this entire reaction sequence play-out of thought, imagination, backchat, reactions and energy-experiences, with the result of manipulating myself into a certain experience and behaviors, I can see that it’s to ‘protect’ my ‘experience of myself’, which is ironic, because what I’m attempting to do is to manipulate myself through these energetic experiences, to avoid certain situations, like for example working, by creating such an awful experience within myself toward working, that I’ll eventually not be able to take it anymore, and will give up. And so this character, is there to seemingly protect me from not having to do what I don’t want to do, however, it’s not the work I am actually not liking, it is the experience within myself toward the work that I am wanting to avoid, which I created through the participation in my mind in the character/personality system. Which is all in my head, and not my actual experience.

When it comes down to what I like/don’t like, what I want/don’t want, it’s really irrelevant in terms of what I have to do. Like in this current system, I do have to get a job, and if I want to get into an effective position, I will most likely not be able to it doing ‘what I’d like to do’, but will have to do what ‘the system’ will pay me to do. I could sit here and wish life could be like this or like that, but it doesn’t change the situation we’re in. The only way to do that is by us actually standing up and changing it, through implementing an Equal Money System, which will end the wage-slave system of crappy jobs that don’t pay enough and don’t serve any real benefit to humanity/life.

In the next post, we’ll walk the Self Forgiveness in relation to the points here, for the Fear Dimension of the I Don’t Want to Do This Character.