Day 117: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 1)

This post is a continuation to:

Day 108: Waiting to Value Myself

Day 109: Waiting for Approval – I Need You To Like Me: Thought Dimension
Day 110: Waiting for Approval: Thought Dimension: Practical Application
Day 111: Validation Character: Imagination Dimension 
Day 112: Validation Character: Imagination Dimension: Self Forgiveness

Day 113: Validation Character: Imagination Dimension: Commitment Statements

Day 114: Validation Character: Backchat Dimension

Day 115: Validation Character: Backchat Dimension: Self Forgiveness

Day 116: Validation Character: Backchat Dimension: Self Commitment Statements

Within this post I’ll be walking the Reaction Dimension of the Validation Character, in the context of meeting/interacting with others, to get to understand the dimensions of this character, to assist and support myself to walk myself out of the patterns of this energy-based personality, and into a real living physical being.
For context on the Reaction Dimension, suggest to read the following posts from Heaven’s Journey to Life:

Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 1): DAY 170

Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 171

Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 3): DAY 172

Character Dimensions – REACTION Dimension (Part 4): DAY 173

So here I’ll be looking at the Reactions that come up within me that activate along with the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions as the energy relationships I’ve formed toward each point, that together with the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions, lead to an actual possession where the mind will actually be able to ‘move me’ in/as energy and energy-experiences, and applying Self forgiveness on the Reaction Dimension, to release myself from the energy-relationships I’ve formed so to assist and support myself to instead of reacting in energy emotion/feeling experiences toward the Dimensions of Thought, Imagination and Backchat, to rather be able to simply see/become aware of the dimensions, to realize that who I am is not a Thought as Memory in my mind.

Thought Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and experience of myself toward a thought of seeing myself as not-being liked by another, where I’ve connected this to me experiencing anxiety, and so become the energy of anxiety in the moment and allow it to direct me and I become that anxiety in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider/see/realize that in that single moment of when that thought crossed my mind, and I related to the image as anxiety, I accepted and allowed myself to become that experience of anxiety, because I believed that that anxiety ‘is me’, thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is actually me that decided to become and experience that thought, and that within that decision I accepted and allowed myself to be directed by a thought, instead of remaining here as myself, directing myself in awareness. 

Imagination Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the imagination of the person I am going to meet ‘not liking me’ and ‘being mean to me’, and within this imagination to connect my experience of myself to a reaction of hopelessness, where within the imagination, I ‘visualized’ that the person would already not like me, and thus it was a really ‘hopeless’ situation because I was picturing that this person was already/automatically not going to like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I went from an imagination to an energetic experience where instead of being here in the actual moment in actual reality, I went into an alternate reality within an energy experience where I then experienced hopelessness and experienced myself/the situation as ‘hopeless’, and within this not considering/realizing that that feeling/reaction is not who I actually am, but is a reaction/experience triggered within my Imagination through the energy-relationship I formed as ‘hopeless’ to the scenario I played out in my mind.

I’ll go up to here for now and continue in the next post in walking the Self Forgiveness on the Energy-Relationships in Relation to the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions.

Related articles

• #117: What is this, I don't even-
• Day 154: Reactions: Hopelessness
• "Giving Up" Character in Relation to Work/Career - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 142
• Giving Up Character - SF on Mind Dimensions (Part 2) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 144
• Fear of Anger Character - Self Corrections (Part 2) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 157
• 179. Apathy as result of High Expectations
• 172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions
• Day 122: The Box: Roots of Judgement
• Day 159: Physical dimension - looking for other activities
• Day 31: Deleting the "I'm A Good Person" Character

Day 108: Waiting to Value Myself

A pattern I’ve noticed myself playing out is one in which I am waiting for others to value me. Where, when I meet someone for the first time, I will wait within myself for some sort of initial reaction the person will have toward me, what they say, how they say it, how they move, how they look at me, if they pull a face, and from this will decide whether it seems like the person likes and respects me, or doesn’t like and respect me, and from here form an entire expectation of how this person is going to treat me, and how our interaction is going to go, whether it is going to be a ‘positive’ interaction, or not.

So what happens is I go into an observer mode where I’m busy observing the other person and how they are acting toward me, and then within this, taking my observations of how they act and forming ideas of what they must think of me, whether or not they like me, or will be nice/rude to me, basically taking everything they do/express personally as if it is a reaction to/toward me / something I’ve done/said /toward what I look like, etc. There is a really great interview on Eqafe that describes in detail this point very well – the point of taking things personally. Listen if you haven’t already, you can get it here: Life Review - The 'Taking this Personally' Victim

So from this initial ‘reaction to me’, which is rather my initial observation of the other person and what they’re doing, I take the observations personally, when I have actually in fact no idea why the person is acting the way they are and if it has anything to do with me at all. And even if they are reacting ‘toward me’, it still has nothing to do with me really, but they are reacting toward what I represent to them within their mind’s eye. This becomes clear when one observes one’s own reactions, one will find that it’s always a reaction that originates from oneself, from one’s own mind of preprogrammed automated reactions to/toward things in one’s reality/environment that one has accepted a judgment toward within oneself, and the person you’re reacting toward, was only the trigger point as they represented something to you that your mind has stored a certain reaction/response toward that you will then go into when you encounter someone that trigger that response. And thus a reaction is never actually ‘personal’, as it’s always based in an individual’s mind as the relationships of energy as judgment that one has formed and stored in one’s mind toward that which is here as the various forms/manifestations/scenarios/situations/events/people that exist.

So within this pattern/character, I ‘wait’ for the other to apparently decide if they’re going to like me or not, or to see how they’re going to react/act toward me, if they’re going to see me as ‘worthy’ of respect, and so within all this, what I’ve done is separate myself from ‘worth’ ‘respect’ ‘value’, where I'm waiting for another to value me, and what I’m actually saying is that I don’t value myself. That I see myself as not having value or worth in the first place, and that I must wait for another to act in such a way as I perceive that they value me, and all I can do is ‘hope’ they will like/value/respect me.

In the post to come we’ll take a look at the various Dimensions of the Waiting for Validation character, and how it is I’ve separated myself from ‘worth’ ‘value’ and ‘respect’, that I believe I can find it in another and can’t live it for myself. Suggest for context on Character Dimensions to read the following Heaven’s Journey to Life blog posts: 

Character Dimensions - Introduction: DAY 162
Character Dimensions – Practical Application (Part 1): DAY 163
Character Dimensions – THOUGHT Dimension: DAY 164
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 1): DAY 165
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166 
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 1): DAY 167  

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 2): DAY 168 
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Related articles

• 120. 'I don't like breaking my routine'
• Day 127: 'It's got nothing to do with me' Character
• Day 132: DESTENI Character - Self-Forgiveness / Commitments (Part2)
• 148. Transcending Anger through Breathing - A Commitment.
• 163. Who am I within Procrastination?
• Day 31: Deleting the "I'm A Good Person" Character
• Day 100: Why The Thirst For Knowledge???
• "Giving Up" Character in Relation to Work/Career - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 142
• Giving Up/In Character - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 141
• "Giving Up Character" SF on Mind Dimensions (Part 1) - An Artists Journey To Life: Day 143

Day 36 – Self Transformation of Appreciation

For context listen to the interview LifeReview – Expecting Appreciation from Others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop an energetic relationship within myself of doing something to ‘get’ appreciation from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the relationship within myself of where if/when I get ‘positive’ feedback from others as appreciation that I experience a positive experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being rewarded when others show me appreciation for what I’ve done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel an actual energetic rush like a warm surge within myself when another reacts in appreciation toward what I have done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent / addicted to getting appreciation from others, which is like being addicted to a drug which cause a certain feeling in oneself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that this is actually manipulation of others and of myself where I manipulate others by performing certain actions in order to have them react in a certain way/the way I want, which is to react within/as appreciation, so utilizing my actions in order to manipulate them to show me appreciation, which is to actually manipulate myself to be able to experience that ‘feel good’ feeling I get when someone shows appreciation toward me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within this I have enslaved myself to energy, where my very actions are directed by the want/need/desire to have others react in appreciation, in order to generate this energetic experience for myself within myself, and thus I have become addicted to energy, and living only for this energy, where my actions are directed according to that which will get me this energy, and thus I am not here actually living, as myself, but have enslaved myself to energy which must be constantly and continuously generated through my participation, and thus in living to get energy to consume, I am actually consuming my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that as parents we program and encourage this energetic relationship within the children within saying things like ‘I really like it when you do this for me’ and putting on ‘nice’ behaviors like smiling or giving a hug, within this encouraging and affirming this relationship to develop within the child, who will then live as this behavior throughout their life and then teach it to their children as well, so passing on the sins of the fathers, we keep ourselves trapped in cycles of enslavement to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within living as this pattern I am thus not living as myself and for myself, where what I do would not depend on what reaction another might have, and my experience of myself would not change according to other’s reactions, but I would remain stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that actual satisfaction comes from living as and for myself, as real satisfaction comes from self, within living for self, and not living enslaved to seeking out energy where what I do is thus not for myself as what I’d actually like to do, but is directed for and within the desire for an energetic experience, which isn’t real or sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to react in appreciation when I do something for them, as that is how others had generally reacted in the past when I would do something for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the nature of energy as polarity where when someone does not react in the expected way by showing appreciation, I then go into the opposite reaction where instead of having a positive reaction within myself, I have a negative reaction as for example disappointment, confusion, frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from appreciation by trying to get it from other people instead of expressing appreciation as myself for myself.

I commit myself to realize how accepting and allowing the relationship of existing and living for other’s appreciation is self sabotage that keeps me from living as and for myself, but a slave to addiction and dependence on energy to manipulate myself to experience myself in a certain way.

I commit myself to consider what self appreciation in fact means, as being comfortable and accepting of who I am within myself and my living, where my starting point is myself and not dependent on other human beings to give me a part of myself which is already in myself I just require to live it as myself.

I commit myself to live as self appreciation for myself, and not separating myself from appreciation in trying to get it from others, which leads me to using and gearing my behavior toward manipulating others to give me the desired reaction as appreciation.

I commit myself to stopping reactions within myself toward how another reacts to what I do, within this bringing my expression back to myself so that I am expressing myself as myself, not as and for the purpose of generating energy as an energetic experience within myself, but for and as myself as that is the key to real actual satisfaction and appreciation, where I appreciate what I do and am not existing as and wasting my life away within wishing, hoping, wanting, needing, desiring, others to show appreciation.

I commit myself to within my process of self investigation and self transformation, seeing where in my life am I wanting or expecting others to appreciate me and transform that behavior and living into self appreciation, to no longer separate myself from appreciation where I am always existing in the desire for appreciation because I am not giving it to myself, but to live it as myself so that I cannot then  actually ever be without it as it is a part of me as me as my expression as my living.