Showing posts with label blame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blame. Show all posts

Day 230: Who Is The Real Idiot?

So an interesting point came up in a discussion recently in regard to taking responsibility for where we go into a kind of superiority toward others. An example came up of going into a point of superiority toward other drivers on the road who aren't driving as fast or as 'good' as you and where you would get annoyed like 'come on, what the heck, why are you going so slow??' and maybe try to get around them and such. I'm sure maaaaaany can relate to this point, as you can see it happening all the time on the road, it's a pretty common occurrence.

It's even got to a point where it's like we forget that we're not in a private universe in our car where no one can see us and will totally go into a reaction toward another driver and pull a face, throw hands up in the air and make all kinds of gestures – as if they can't see us right there having this reaction toward them. And in some cases, some people don't care if they are seen and it's like they actually want to make some kind of confrontation out of it. I actually witnessed this the other day while I was just departing a local fast food establishment and there were two cars, trying to get by each other and it didn't go quite smoothly, and one person reacted with an angry face and throwing hands up, and so the other in turn reacted, got out of the car and walked over saying things like 'What – you got a problem??' sort of thing, this being a kind of extreme example because nothing really even happened, they didn't hit each other or anything.

In another moment I remember I was backing down a driveway and then needed to turn into another driveway on the side, and at the same moment someone was coming down that driveway that I needed to turn into. They didn't realize that I needed to go down that driveway, and so had not left space for me to turn into it, and so I had to pull forward to let them out, and they went into a 'what the heck are you doing??' kind of reaction and made a 'nasty' face and threw their hands up, all right in front of me, and in that moment I could really see how going into such a reaction is really totally ludicrous, because I wasn't doing anything 'wrong' or 'stupid' there was just a lack of understanding of what was going on in that moment. Especially with driving, it is difficult to communicate because you can't readily talk to the other person and are limited to simple hand gestures and turn signals that can only communicate so much.

So this brings up a kind of larger point that goes beyond just driving – that we tend to go into a perception that other people are apparently idiots when they are doing something that we don't in that moment understand, or have the context to see what is really going on. And in that moment in our lack of understanding, instead of stopping and saying to ourself, 'hm I don't understand why this person is doing this or that, let me see if there are any factors that I can notice that might help explain what is going on, or what information could I be missing that would make this scenario make sense' we instead go into a reaction toward the other person like there must be something wrong with them or they are idiots with like an assumption that they shouldn't be doing whatever they are doing or how they are doing it – when we don't even have all the information and don't even know what is going on. So who is the real idiot in that?

What such experiences have helped me to realize is that when I go into some kind of superiority reaction toward others – that I am the one being an idiot, because I am not seeking to understand the situation, or possibly find a solution for it, or perhaps consider how I could possibly help another person who seems to be doing something in an ineffective way and I might know of a better way. How ridiculous is it to get annoyed at a situation, which would imply that we don't want such a situation to be taking place, but then not look for a solution to the situation, or get some understanding so that we could see that maybe our expectations are not aligned with reality, and we are expecting that which isn't possible. Like for example when we are getting annoyed at someone who is driving slow – maybe they are old and have poor eyesight and have no one to drive them, or maybe their car only goes so fast.

I myself once had a car that probably wasn't worth the $500 that I bought it for. It had virtually no acceleration and was pretty horrifying to drive, especially when trying to turn onto or cross a busy road, because you have to have eeeeeextra room to get out because the car moves so slow. This would lead to people honking from behind, probably thinking 'There was plenty of space!! Why didn't you go!!' but they did not know that the car could not have actually made it and would have resulted in a car accident.

It's like we believe that all human beings are like super-amazing-perfect skilled beings that are always in perfect physical health, perfect hand-eye coordination, will never ever make a mistake or do something in error – and how ridiculous is this when we know people, we see them all the time, we ARE ONE ourself, and we KNOW that there is FAR from perfection going on here – we've got all kinds of maladies and afflictions that affect our functioning for example, we ALL make mistakes now and then. Bad eyesight from old age affecting one's ability to see. Not being able to afford to have a car in good condition. A new driver just learning and not having it down perfectly yet, I remember my first driving experiences were pretty intense. The list goes on. On top of it, we have created a world where there is little to no support to deal with these kind of problems so that everyone can be in the best health possible, the best car possible, the best driving training possible, not be so overworked that we are driving everywhere in a hurry most of the time, etc, etc. Our expectations are really not in line with the world we as we have accepted it to exist.

So now when you are in these moments where you find yourself getting annoyed and thinking 'what the heck??' realize there is a better way – you don't have to get stressed out in that moment – it doesn't do anything anyway, just wears you out – you can instead start to look at how can I understand this situation? And in this a whole universe opens up. It is such a relief to no longer have to get all worked up and bothered and stressed and potentially causing more consequence, but now I can actually keep my cool and expand myself in looking at what is going on and how I can help in a situation. This has led to some very interesting moments where I noticed details that I would not have if I'd just gone into that reaction and stayed there, and some moments where once I understood what was going on I was able to take action to help the situation along. I can say that this has been a very rewarding point to work on, and that is why I have shared this with you today, so that you might be able to benefit as well from these realizations, have less stress in your life, and create less stress for others as well.

Day 228: What is Our Responsibility as Consumers?

So, in continuing from the last post, Day 227: Bunions and Self Education, I'm going to now look at in more detail how this relationship to our footwear came to be and namely, what is our responsibility in it, if any? Lately we have a tendency to blame corporations and businesses for the products that exist, but it's not like any product could just be 'foisted' upon us, whether we like it or not. It has to be something we will buy so that the businesses can make a profit because that's how they work.

Even considering all the money and research and effort that goes into marketing schemes and advertising to 'convince' us to buy certain things, in the end who makes the choice to buy it? Who decides to believe in what we see in the marketing without actually investigating it?

We're actually living in a pretty cool time what with the Internet taking communication to another level, where we can give direct feedback to companies about what we would like and what we don't like. The key would be to take an active role in that, and that would actually require a lot of self education, just as for example with myself all my life wearing improper shoes and never realizing what I was doing to myself, until I finally got an understanding of what is actually going on – how the feet actually work and in conjunction with the whole body and how our footwear affects our feet and thus our body and thus our entire life and well-being, and what proper footwear might rather be like.

Now I want to also discuss my own process in terms of how I even got to the point of educating myself on this topic, or even any topic, because this was not something I would normally do in the past, some years ago. Part of that is due to the Internet not being what it is today with information so available. Never has self education been this facilitated and really in the power of your own hands. But just because we have this tool available to us, doesn't mean we are using it to its utmost potential.

When we have the typical ideas and beliefs about what it is we like/don't like to do that are impulsed into us from early on in our lives, spending our free time doing research doesn't really fit into those preconceived notions. It typically has more to do with 'relaxing' like vegging-out to the TV, or maybe seeking a party to get intoxicated and have a 'good time' or being consumed with the hunt for a mate or some such encounter, all the general things that we're shown is what we apparently want to do, and all of which largely goes nowhere and amounts to nothing of any real substance or positive impact in one's life, but rather actually tends to cause negative consequences and generally waste one's time here. Now, I'm not saying to not be social or have relationships or anything like that, that is cool, but obviously there is a balance where your social activities should be positive in nature and not degenerative.

So, it's after quite a process of going through such types of distractions myself throughout my life and learning the consequence the hard way – many years wasted and not much to show for it – that I now see and understand the value in applying myself in practical things that actually have a positive benefit in my life/world, like educating myself on this world and what is here. I mean, obviously this is sorely needed, considering all the myriad problems we face from the global to the personal level, we require to finally get down to educating ourself to how this world really works and what is really effective living.

So I wanted to share the process that has now taken me to this point where I see the validity in taking the time to educate myself, for anyone who might come across this and still be at the point of not seeing this or some similar topic as being something that fits within one's 'prescribed interests' so that one might begin to consider that it is possible to broaden one's perspective and interest for one's own actual benefit.

Not only was it a process to get to see the value of self education, but also to sort out my value system overall, in terms of what I use, what I wear, what I do, what I buy, and looking at, is it benefitting me or not? Because if I was still attached to the ideas that I was in the past where for example what I would choose to wear was more based on fashion/style/look/imagination than actual practicality or whether an item was properly designed to physically support my body, then I wouldn't even be open to wearing properly fitting shoes, because they didn't fit in with 'what I liked'. For example, I can remember seeing here and there some shoes that had a wider toe and thinking that they looked terrible ad I wouldn't be caught dead wearing something like that. So that shows how our value system can be so backward where I was actually valuing things that are harmful to me, like seeing high-heeled pointy-toed shoes as really cool for example, and rejecting the more properly designed shoe that would have been supportive!

In essence, this is how we abuse ourselves and our bodies for fashion, for an image, an idea, that has grave consequences for our lives and livelihood. We have some reason, excuse, justification in our mind as to why we simply aren't/won't just do what is best for our body. We lie to ourselves that we're not really doing any harm, and it can seem that way because effects are accumulative and take time to show and progress so gradually.

So within this, you can see how it's actually our responsibility as individuals to sort out our own value systems. To question that which is presented to us as a 'positive' thing to see whether it really is so in reality. The products that are available to us are the result of our own value systems and what we accept and allow. If we want to see a change we have to become that change and find the solutions ourselves, because it is not going to be done for us.

This is where the process of self-forgiveness has come in very handy, to sort out my value system to see where I am placing my value in that which is harmful and correcting that to instead valuing what is actually supportive, and I'll continue more on that n the next post.

Day 181: Do You Know What this Means: Do Unto Others as You'd have Done Unto You?




Who Knows What this Means: Do Unto Others as You’d have Done Unto You?
We are sure good at saying this phrase, as it’s quite a commonly heard quote, but do we ever live it? Or we only say it at each other, as if the other should change before me, and pretending that I am not one that does the same thing in some situation or another. The state of the world is Clear Indication of our lack of really grasping just what this statement implies. As it really is nothing less than the Blueprint to Heaven On Earth.
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Day 107: Blame Character – Commitment Statements


I commit myself to assist and support me to, when and as I see myself waiting to stop blame within the belief that I don’t have a choice to stop blaming, to stop participation in the belief, as I realize that I do have a choice as I am the one that has made the choice to participate in blame in the first place, and thus the only thing I am waiting for is myself, to stop participation in blame for any reason/justification/excuse.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself believing that I cannot stop blaming another/that I must blame them/that it makes sense to blame them because of the circumstances, stop and breathe, and remind myself that I am using the circumstances as the excuse/justification/reason to participate in and go into a reaction of blame and that I am actually the one deciding to go into a reaction of blame as it’s the pattern of behavior I’ve established within myself in response to certain circumstances/situations, and so I walk myself out of that pattern of behavior by becoming the directive principle in each and every moment in no longer justifying blame as being caused by something outside/separate from myself, taking self responsibility and stopping the pattern.

I commit myself to walking through this character of blame and all its dimensions to assist and support myself to stop participation in and existing as this character, to no longer allow myself to go into a reaction of blame towards another, and forming a relationship toward them in separation, so I can rather stand as stability equal and one with the physical here, and open up the opportunity to understand what was actually going on in the circumstances and understand the other being, and not be directed and controlled by a reaction which only leads to consequence that is of no benefit.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting blame as a ‘normal’ experience/reaction to be in/as, stop and breathe, remind myself that any reaction that comes up within me is not self directed, and thus to be investigated and not participated in as it is a pattern in separation of myself that I have not created in awareness.

I commit myself to showing and exposing the consequences of blame and how it is a massive part of the problem that keeps us from investigating ourselves and correcting our own individual natures because we’re instead busy pointing a finger at another.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I see myself going into the fear that another is doing something deliberately to harm/spite/take advantage of me, stop and breathe, as I realize that it is only a fear and that that fear is not real and that I do not in fact actually know what was actually going on or why another acted in the way they did, and so open up the opportunity to actually find out what went on in reality, instead of going into a reaction of taking it personally and within doing so, separating myself completely from reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see a thought come up in my mind as how things ‘would have gone’ if that person hadn’t done what they did or had acted in some other way, stop, breathe, and do not allow myself to believe in the picture that I see in my mind, as I realize it’s simply a picture in my mind, that would be the trigger to activate the character of blame to take-over, and take me into the possession of living/existing as the character of blame.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself about to play/playing out scenes in my imagination, to stop, breathe, bring myself to back here and stabilize myself in reality, and not go into my mind as my imagination into imagining scenarios where I see the other person as spiting me deliberately, as I realize that this imaging only fuels the fire for mind to get energy from my participation in/as the blame character.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating/going into internal conversations/backchat within myself, to stop and breathe, and not participate in the backchat, as I realize that the purpose of going into the backchat is only to further talk myself into participation in/as the blame character, so that the mind can feed off the energy that I generate while participating in/as this character, and thus I stop so I can become the directive principle and no linger give away my self direction and responsibility to the mind to control and direct who I am and how I behave, so that I can stand stable and constant as who I am no matter what situation/circumstance may come up, and to stop creating consequence and rather walk the correction, to be able to stand and direct situations into solutions that are best for all.

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Day 106: Waiting to Stop Blame: Self Forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Wait to stop Blaming within the belief that I don’t have a choice when it comes to blaming someone or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that whether or not I blame someone for something, depends on/is determined by the circumstances that’s taking place, and is not actually a decision I make myself to act/behave/think a certain way toward/about someone, where I’m using the particular circumstances to justify myself to think/act/react/experience myself a certain way, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore that it’s actually me deciding to go into blame toward another and the circumstances are irrelevant as it is just the excuse/reason/justification I use to go into the reaction of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this character of blame within/as me from following the examples I had around me as my parents, other adults, tv, movies, books/stories, music, religion, that present going into blame as ‘normal’ and imply that it’s a reaction that is ‘beyond one’s control’, as it’s determined by specific circumstances, while ignoring the fact that self has to actually give permission to the reaction, and it’s self that becomes and lives the reaction of blame toward another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept going into ‘blame’ as normal and just a part of ‘human nature’ and not realize that we decide what human nature is as we are busy living it, following the same patterns of the generation that came before, and that came before that, and so on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question ‘blame’ and investigate ‘blame’ to see what is the actual outflow/consequence of blame, and does it have a beneficial effect on life or is it in fact a massive part of the problem that keeps us from investigating ourselves and correcting our own individual natures because we’re instead busy pointing a finger at another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the fear within myself that another is doing something deliberately to harm/spite/take advantage of me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when someone has done something that affects me, not considering the possible reasons why such person acted as they did, which may very well have nothing to do with me, but what is going on in that person’s life/mind/situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I participate in blaming another, it is actually just an excuse to go into particular emotion/feeling/energetic reaction within myself, to feed my mind with energy which it requires to exist, and thus I am living just to feed the mind, and missing out on real living here as myself present and aware, and not possessed by the character of ‘blame’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate and believe in the pictures that come up in my mind as how things ‘would have gone’ if that person hadn’t done what they did or had acted in some other way, and to not see that it’s simply a picture in my mind, and thus not real, which my mind uses to convince me to into this character of blame, to go into an energetic experience to feed the mind energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out scenes in my imagination in which I am making assumptions of why/how the other person has acted where I imagine they may have acted deliberately to spite/harm me, and within this to not realize the fallibility of and the consequence of relying on assumptions that I have literally made up in my mind about another, and not considering if that person was to do the same to me that would not be cool, as they’d be literally judging you in their mind, without actually inquiring as to what the actual situation was, which is exactly what I do when I decide in my imagination what has taken place, when I have no real clue of why this person did what they did, or whether it was deliberate or not, and so judging them according to my imagination which isn’t even real, instead of communicating with them to find out what was actually going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in internal backchat conversations within myself using words/phrases like “How could they do this to me?” “It’s all their fault” “Why did they do this?” “Didn’t they see how this would harm/disadvantage/cause a negative experience for me?” They must’ve known how what they were doing would effect me and did it anyway!” and to not realize that the purpose of this internal conversation is to convince me to go into the character of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the absolute physical possession that takes place when I go into the character of blame, as my very behaviors/thoughts/ mannerisms/tonality/movement becomes determined by/within the blame character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the consequence of participating in the blame character is that I give away my response ability where instead of looking for solutions to the situation, I go into blame towards another, which is a waste of time because no solutions come from blame, only an energetic personality take-over where I stop being here as myself and instead become the demon of blame, and within this I become exactly what it is I perceived the other to be doing which was to be deliberately spiteful towards me, which is exactly what going into blame is – because it is me decided to be deliberately spiteful towards another by making assumptions and judging them instead of standing equal to that person and treating them how I would like to be treated myself, and standing as an example of considering what is best for all, rather than being the example of spitefulness as blame.
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Day 105: Waiting to Stop Blame – It’s Your Fault! How Could You?


Here is where when I’ll go into a reaction of blame toward another, and think that there is just no possible way I can stop blaming them for whatever reason has come up that I’ve decided to blame them for. And I don’t even see it as a decision, it’s simply taken for granted that in such a particular situation, I’ll go into blame. That’s called a program. I’ve accepted and allowed myself to program myself to react in a pattern of blame in certain situations. A pattern of behavior which I’ve learned from early in my life from the examples I saw around me, as the adults in my world, and examples that I saw in television, movies or in stories and books, it’s quite a common behavior to see, as it’s really quite a prominent point in accepted human nature

So within looking at the Creation Dimension of how I created this character within myself, I can recall seeing this behavior presented in books and fairy-tales I read when little, and in how I saw adults react/act toward another in ‘real life’ in their interactions, especially my parents within their own relationship which is for most the primary relationship one is exposed to, and in television/movies, especially soap operas – along the lines of ‘How could you do this to me?’ and ‘This is all Your Fault’, where one person goes into angry reaction toward another for what has happened, and so I learned and copied this behavior in myself, and accepted it as ‘normal’ human behavior, and just a part of ‘human nature’, as it’s just ‘how we are’.

I mean, really, you’ll see this behavior everywhere, people blaming other people. We’ll do it individually, we’ll do it in groups. We’ll blame the sidewalk when we trip over it. We’ll blame the weather for spoiling our mood. I mean, it’s really a chronic behavior pattern, blame.
So what is really going on within this reaction of blame? 

Well, firstly, let’s take a look at the Fear Dimension, as the initial fear that comes up that triggers and activates this character of Blame. Typically the fear is that this person is doing something deliberately to harm/spite/take advantage of me or failed to consider how something they did would harm/disadvantage me. This fear comes from the fact that sometimes people do deliberate acts toward another to harm/take advantage, cause we’re accepting ourselves to live in a society and world where we are placed into competition against one another, because we allow an economic system which does not support all of us equally, and thus this puts us in a position where we can’t trust each other, as we’re perpetually in competition with each other and where those not effectively supported by the system, have to ‘do what it takes’. We could easily correct this situation by implementing an Equal Money System that supports all of us to have the best possible life, instead of only a few. 

This fear also comes from memories of past experiences of another doing deliberate harm/deliberately taking advantage, and where I went and took this personally, instead of considering the possible reasons why such person acted as they did, and not making a personal experience out of it, as it has nothing to do with me, but what is going on in that person’s life/mind/situation. 

Fundamentally, it’s a point of Fear of Loss, as I fear that I have now lost something as being harmed/disadvantaged in some way, and within the character of Blame, I’ve decided that this other person is responsible for that loss and that this means I’ll go into a reaction of anger, judgment, rage, annoyance, frustration, toward them. So really, the fear and the playing out of this character is all just an excuse to get to have this particular emotion/feeling/energetic reaction within myself, so I’m actually using the situation as an energy-junky to feed my mind with a certain experience, with has nothing to do whatsoever with what happened, and how to practically address/direct the situation that has occurred. So you get really mad and frustrated at the other person, and go into this whole reaction in yourself, although whatever was done is done, and there’s no going back to change it, so now you’re just creating more consequence on top of what has already occurred, and totally distracted from sorting out what is going on in actual reality. So here we’ve looked at the Reaction Dimension of the character of Blame.

Now, within the Thought Dimension, the thought that comes up is usually a picture of how things ‘would’ve gone’ if such person had not done such thing, and this picture is seen as ‘positive’ and this is then compared with how things did go, which is seen as negative, and from here, once this positive/negative judgment is validated/accepted, I have then accepted that character of Blame to activate, where I now blame that other person for ‘creating’ this negative experience for me.
In the Imagination Dimension is where I’ll play out scenes in my mind in which I imagine the other person is deliberately deciding to harm me, or how they carried out whatever it was they did in deliberateness and spitefulness toward me, wherein I’m assuming how they must’ve acted and what they must’ve been thinking. 

Then the Internal Conversation that arise within me within the Backchat Dimension is along the lines of: “How could they do this to me?” “It’s all their fault” “Why did they do this?” “Didn’t they see how this would harm/disadvantage/cause a negative experience for me?” They must’ve known how what they were doing would effect me and did it anyway!” 

Within the Physical Dimension, what takes place within my physical is a tension in the shoulders, and a heaviness in the chest area, and even the movement of my eyes will change, where I’ll look sidelong at the person, like “I don’t trust you now I need to watch you out of the corner of my eye”. And how I speak toward the person will change, where my speaking will become terse, short, and forceful, like blunt in a way, and the tonality of my voice will become more ‘hard’ and ‘edgy’. So here just a few examples of the physical possession that takes place once the Blame character is activated.

Now let’s take a look at the Dimension of Consequence of what happens when we participate in the character of Blame. So, when something happens in my world/reality where I fear I’ve been taken advantage of/harmed by another, and I go into the reaction of Blame to become the Blame Character, I go into a personal experience of feelings/emotions/thoughts/backchat all within myself, which then effect my physical body as a possession that changes my very behaviors, the words I speak, the tonalities I’ll use when speaking, how I’ll move, and then bombarding my human physical body with the emotion/feeling reactions of anger/rage/frustration that sap the resources of the physical body.

Blame has the particular consequence of giving away one’s self responsibility, and thus one diminish oneself by participating in blame, because the whole point of blame is to focus on another, instead of oneself. So, while one is busy pointing the finger at someone else, one is actually distracting oneself from the actual solution to the situation, which is oneself. Self is the solution, because it’s self that is causing the reaction in the first place, as that’s how one has accepted oneself to react in such a situation. The solution is thus to stop participating in and fueling the reaction, as the other person has nothing to do with the reaction.

And THEN, once one’s personal reaction is sorted out, can the actual situation be addressed, as to whether there is really a problem, and to work out the best solution for all involved.

And As Above, So Below, as how we treat ourselves we treat the world at large, and so when we exist as Blame within/as ourselves, how is that effecting the world? What kind of world are we creating? Well obviously everyone is busy blaming each other instead of investigating oneself and sorting oneself out first, so that we can then all work together toward solutions.

So, no more Waiting for an excuse/reason/justification to stop Blame when realizing that I am the creator of the character of Blame within myself, and of the reactions I experience, and thus I am the only one that can stop what I am creating. And in the realization of the extensive consequences created by participation in/as the character of Blaming. It never brings about any kind of solution, and only creates consequence that is of no benefit to life whatsoever.

Self forgiveness and Commitment Statements on the Character of Blame and Waiting to Stop Blame to come.

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