Day 94: I Can’t Afford It: Commitment Statements

I commit myself to stop all points where I take an experience personally where I form and participate in an internal experience within myself, as that removes me from reality and from doing anything about reality and traps me in a pointless internal experience, that ensures that I become so hopelessly lost in thoughts/feelings/emotions toward something that I do nothing at all in actual reality, except harm my physical body which suffers the consequence of participation in energy generation utilizing its physical resources, so that I can stick to the facts as what is taking place in actual reality and find solutions that actually will lead to a more effective reality that is best for all, which would be a reality where everyone has access to what they require to live effectively.

I commit myself to realizing that the concept/notion/idea that I have ‘failed as a person’ because I am not able to afford everything I require, is a concept proliferated so that I will go into blame toward myself for my situation, and never consider/realize/look at the system where I would see that it is actually designed to not support everyone, as capitalism requires that many fail in order for a few to make profit, and thus as long as I am participating in a personal experience, I am thus fallen in the trap of a personal experience, instead of accepting what is here, meaning to stop creating conflict within myself toward the situation the currently exists, and to consider what options are actually available to me, and what actions I can take, and then actually taking what actions I can that will lead to real change, so that I have transformed myself from doing that which leads to no change, to doing that which leads to change, and thus taken a pro-active stance within no longer taking it personally, but taking self response-ability and working toward a solution.

I commit myself to exposing/showing exactly what is going on in this world, as I realize that is the only and the best way that we can sort out this world as this mess that we’ve created/are creating, so that we can actually face what we’re allowing, to be able to get an understanding of the problems and how we create them, to then be able to find solutions and implement them, and then end the abuse that we were fearing to expose in the first place.

I commit myself to not waiting for some event/situation to take place in my direct world/reality before I will even consider the abuse that is taking place, but to take a pro-active stance to educate myself and get to know my world and reality and what exactly is going on so that I can ensure that we’re manifesting a reality that is the best possible for all life, which I cannot do if I do not understand how and what I/we as humanity create here.

I commit myself to showing that we do realize the abuse that we’re creating in the world and that it is our responsibility to stop it because we are the ones allowing it and it’s those of us that is supported by the system that must take action, as we’ve allowed the majority to become enslaved to such an extent that they are not even able to take action as they are too busy with merely trying to survive from one moment to the next.

I commit myself to living the example of not taking it personally according to an idea of ‘status’ or ‘self worth’ that is based on how much money one makes/has, as all are equal in worth as life, and none is more or less than another, as we are all equally here. Within this, I commit myself to exposing how within the current system everyone does not start out on a level playing field, nor is the field at any time level, and where if you are born in lack you are almost 100% guaranteed that you will never get much beyond where you already are, and thus where you’re born largely determine what opportunities/chance one has to have a dignified life where one has adequate access to one’s needs, and thus I commit myself to living as a being with real integrity, respect, and honor for life by doing whatever it takes to stop the system which abuse life for profit and establish a system in which all can have a dignified life.

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Day 83: The “There’s Nothing Wrong with That” Character

Now taking a look at the “There’s Nothing Wrong with That” Character, this character was developed and created in order to avoid looking at myself and investigating myself and the relationships I’m living as, because within this character the focus becomes on what another is apparently participating in as a judgment to/toward something. So the focus then becomes pointing the finger at someone else, and avoiding self investigation in the meantime.

So what happens is, in a moment where I perceive another is judging something or myself for doing/participating in something or some aspect of what I’m living as, the ‘there’s nothing wrong with that’ character becomes activated to apparently refute what the ‘other’ is apparently participating in as a judgment toward something, and within this I am not considering whether I am participating in that judgment within myself.

The fear that activates this character is the fear that I may lose whatever relationship I am holding onto and am protecting within avoiding looking at it. This character would activate so fast that I would not even realize that I was avoiding looking at something within myself, as one generally learns to avoid looking at and investigating oneself, as is obvious within the fact that no one practically has a clue to how they operate and how their mind operate, despite that they’ve been here all along and participating in their mind for practically one’s whole life.

Thus this character is just one of many that we’ve developed and that I developed within myself that functions in the process of separating ourself from ourself to avoid self responsibility by apparently not being aware of ourselves and what we’re actually deliberately participating in within ourselves.

So within the moment before this character becomes activated, the mind brings up a thought/perception/picture that something I like/want/desire is being threatened to be taken away from me, and within that fear of loss, I created this character to spring forth to the ‘rescue’, by taking the attention away from myself and placing it somewhere else, thereby ensuring that such relationship of dependency will remain within me untouched and that I will remain enslaved to the dependency relationship with the want/need/desire.

When I allow this character to take over, I experience a tension in my physical body, like my body pulls into itself and stiffens, as if preparing for an attack, and sometimes I’ll experience a rush of adrenaline and a flutter in the solar plexus. I will feel like I need to defend the point of ‘there’s nothing wrong with such-n-such’, when I am the one perceiving an attack in the first place, and I have taken something someone has said and added my own perception to it. And if that person is participating in judging something, me reacting to it as/within a character only validates the judgment, as I am participating in the same judgment within myself, as I have not investigated myself first and cleared myself of any judgments/relationships, and thus why I have reacted within/as this character.

Self Forgiveness and Commitment Statements on the “There’s Nothing Wrong with That” character to follow.

Day 36 – Self Transformation of Appreciation

For context listen to the interview LifeReview – Expecting Appreciation from Others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop an energetic relationship within myself of doing something to ‘get’ appreciation from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the relationship within myself of where if/when I get ‘positive’ feedback from others as appreciation that I experience a positive experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being rewarded when others show me appreciation for what I’ve done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel an actual energetic rush like a warm surge within myself when another reacts in appreciation toward what I have done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent / addicted to getting appreciation from others, which is like being addicted to a drug which cause a certain feeling in oneself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that this is actually manipulation of others and of myself where I manipulate others by performing certain actions in order to have them react in a certain way/the way I want, which is to react within/as appreciation, so utilizing my actions in order to manipulate them to show me appreciation, which is to actually manipulate myself to be able to experience that ‘feel good’ feeling I get when someone shows appreciation toward me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within this I have enslaved myself to energy, where my very actions are directed by the want/need/desire to have others react in appreciation, in order to generate this energetic experience for myself within myself, and thus I have become addicted to energy, and living only for this energy, where my actions are directed according to that which will get me this energy, and thus I am not here actually living, as myself, but have enslaved myself to energy which must be constantly and continuously generated through my participation, and thus in living to get energy to consume, I am actually consuming my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that as parents we program and encourage this energetic relationship within the children within saying things like ‘I really like it when you do this for me’ and putting on ‘nice’ behaviors like smiling or giving a hug, within this encouraging and affirming this relationship to develop within the child, who will then live as this behavior throughout their life and then teach it to their children as well, so passing on the sins of the fathers, we keep ourselves trapped in cycles of enslavement to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within living as this pattern I am thus not living as myself and for myself, where what I do would not depend on what reaction another might have, and my experience of myself would not change according to other’s reactions, but I would remain stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that actual satisfaction comes from living as and for myself, as real satisfaction comes from self, within living for self, and not living enslaved to seeking out energy where what I do is thus not for myself as what I’d actually like to do, but is directed for and within the desire for an energetic experience, which isn’t real or sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to react in appreciation when I do something for them, as that is how others had generally reacted in the past when I would do something for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the nature of energy as polarity where when someone does not react in the expected way by showing appreciation, I then go into the opposite reaction where instead of having a positive reaction within myself, I have a negative reaction as for example disappointment, confusion, frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from appreciation by trying to get it from other people instead of expressing appreciation as myself for myself.

I commit myself to realize how accepting and allowing the relationship of existing and living for other’s appreciation is self sabotage that keeps me from living as and for myself, but a slave to addiction and dependence on energy to manipulate myself to experience myself in a certain way.

I commit myself to consider what self appreciation in fact means, as being comfortable and accepting of who I am within myself and my living, where my starting point is myself and not dependent on other human beings to give me a part of myself which is already in myself I just require to live it as myself.

I commit myself to live as self appreciation for myself, and not separating myself from appreciation in trying to get it from others, which leads me to using and gearing my behavior toward manipulating others to give me the desired reaction as appreciation.

I commit myself to stopping reactions within myself toward how another reacts to what I do, within this bringing my expression back to myself so that I am expressing myself as myself, not as and for the purpose of generating energy as an energetic experience within myself, but for and as myself as that is the key to real actual satisfaction and appreciation, where I appreciate what I do and am not existing as and wasting my life away within wishing, hoping, wanting, needing, desiring, others to show appreciation.

I commit myself to within my process of self investigation and self transformation, seeing where in my life am I wanting or expecting others to appreciate me and transform that behavior and living into self appreciation, to no longer separate myself from appreciation where I am always existing in the desire for appreciation because I am not giving it to myself, but to live it as myself so that I cannot then  actually ever be without it as it is a part of me as me as my expression as my living.