So in this post we’ll begin to take a look at the various Dimensions that comprise this point of ‘Waiting for Validation’, where I’m busy in my mind seeking approval from others and acting according to my perception of whether they like me or not, instead of just being here as myself, whole, complete, not lacking in ‘value’ or ‘worth’. So, you could also call this the ‘I Need You To Like Me’ Character, as the point of ‘Waiting for Validation’ is waiting for approval from others, needing the other to ‘like me’, and one’s behavior becomes geared around that single point of whether or not someone ‘likes/doesn’t like me’. When it seems there is not approval, then I go into behaviors trying to get approval/validation/get this person to like me, so it starts from a want/need/desire for others to like/approve of me, wherein I’ve separated myself from self-approval, self-acceptance, self-worth, self-value, and believe I must find/get it from another person, and that it’s even possible to actually get value/worth from someone/something else.
So when faced with a moment where meeting someone/interacting with someone, I’m in my mind scanning their behaviors for ‘signs’ of whether they ‘like me’ or ‘don’t like me – whether they’re going to react to me in a ‘positive way’ or a ‘negative way’. And if it’s positive, then I’ll experience a sense of relief, like- ‘ok I don’t have to worry so much about/try so much to get them to like me/to get their approval’. And if I think they don’t like me, then I go into certain reactions and behaviors according to that perception. So, this a good example of how we can be controlled by the perceptions we see in our mind’s eye, based on memories and associations as relationships we’ve formed toward things like how a person looks/sounds/acts/moves which will accordingly determine our behavior, and thus we’re not here simply being ourself as who we are, but are living out reactions and preprogrammed behaviors that are activated by the preprogrammed triggers that come up in our world/reality.
These behavior/reaction patterns first become activated by an initial thought, where the thought will manifest either a positive-energy experience toward the situation, or a negative-energy experience. So, for example, when I perceive that another doesn’t like me, due to some behavior they did, or movement they made, or whatever, which I have associated to mean that they ‘do not approve of me’, then there is a thought as a picture of them not liking me/being nice to me, which is defined as/associated with a negative experience, and thus them liking me/being nice to me is defined as the positive experience, so then I will act in whatever way in order to get the ‘positive’ picture that my mind showed me, which would be the person liking me/being nice to me. So here, from a single thought, my behavior is controlled as an entire pattern is activated where I am only reacting toward the picture I’ve seen in my mind, and thus essentially have removed myself from reality, and am not just here living and interacting with another as myself, and where I can really get to know/see that being for who they are, as I’m busy within my mind as this game of ‘chasing the positive’ and ‘avoiding the negative’ as the positive/negative pictures that I’ve seen in my mind, which are in fact, only pictures.
In the following post, we’ll walk the Practical Application of self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements on the Thought Dimension, and then continue walking through the various Dimensions of the Waiting for Validation Character.