Day 128: Validation Character: Fear Dimension (Part 2)

Self-Defeat by Andrew Gable


This post is a continuation to:


In this post we’re continuing from the previous post in which I wrote out the Fear Dimension of the Validation Character, taking a look at what the fear is that came up in some experience in my past, that is the original reason I created/participated in this character in the first place, in trying to ‘protect’ myself from what it is I feared. So here now continuing with walking Self Forgiveness Statements on the Fear Dimension of the Validation Character:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child and until now, not understand my relationship toward meeting/interacting with others as since for the first few years of my life in this world I primarily only experienced my relationship to myself, and during that time formed a relationship toward what I experienced as ‘positive’ and thus when I was introduced to meeting/interacting with others, this did not fit in with my mind’s definition of a ‘positive’ experience as playing and having fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how as a child, I remember facing a moment of meeting/interacting with someone, and didn’t want to do it, because in my mind I pictured doing the things I usually did, things that I ‘chose’ to do cause as a child I was essentially ‘free’ to do what I ‘like’, like playing outside or riding my bike, and so in that moment of facing meeting/interacting with another, realized, then I ‘can’t go and do what I want’ if I have to be interacting with this person, and so would be missing out on what I usually am ‘free’ to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that since I’d come into this world and really only experienced my own personal reality, where I was ‘free’ to do what I like and play and have fun, with no introduction yet to my responsibility within interacting with others, that when I was introduced to it, and it was done so from within a starting point of ‘you have to do it’, ‘you have no choice’, that I then diverted my reaction towards the parent and getting mad at them for and blaming them for me not being free to do what I’d like, not realizing that the reaction I’m having toward them was in fact coming from within myself from the inner-conflict of me not yet understanding my responsibility in this world, because all I’d understood thus far was My Wants, which I was experienced as being taken away, and thus blaming the parent because they are the one ‘enforcing’ my responsibility, so basically a case of ‘shooting the messenger’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child, define the experience of meeting/interacting with another as ‘not fun’, as something I ‘don’t want to do’, and that in meeting/interacting with someone, means I’ll be ‘missing out’ on being able to do ‘what I want’ and being ‘free’ to choose to do so.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration that I do not exist here alone by myself, but that I exist here with many beings and that how I live in this world as my words and actions and my responsibilities will determine the nature of the relationships I’ll form with others, and so my future in this world. And thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the consequences and responsibilities within effectively interacting with others here, but to only consider my own personal Wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I’d formed a relationship to Time, within having to meet/interact with someone, means that I can’t do what I’d like Now, and thus will have to Wait to get what I want, and so feeling like I am ‘missing out on something now’ where I could have been doing what I want/like Now, but since I have to have this interaction, I am missing out on the Experience/Fun I could have had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I from my childhood til now still accept and allow myself to react in resistance toward meeting/interacting with others within this fear of me missing out and not getting to do what I want, and so have accepted and allowed this relationship to become a living condition as this Character/Personality that I use to justify me to get what I want and disregarding the consequences I’m creating in my world/relationships in not considering my responsibility here with all the other beings I exist here with.

We’ll go up to here for now, and continue in the next post with Self Forgiveness on the Fear Dimension.
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