Day 127: Validation Character: Fear Dimension (Part 1)

This post is a continuation to:

Here in this post we’re walking the Fear Dimension of the Validation Character, where I’ll walk through any memories of past experiences/relationships/moments where this character started. So I’ll be having a look at what memories come up most prominently for me, in looking back at when/how I started forming this character, which will always be the result of a Fear, as the particular Personality forms in attempt to protect oneself from something, as to why I would seek to avoid the situation/do something else, instead of following through. For more context on the Fear Dimension read from Heaven’s Journey to Life blog - Character Dimensions - FEAR Dimension (Part 1): DAY 182

So, what I’ve found within looking at the Fear Dimension of the Character/Personality, is that in my childhood, there were moments when meeting/interacting with others, where my parents had taught me that I have to ‘behave’, and thus act a certain way, in order to get approval to have the other person be nice to me/treat me in a ‘positive’ way. And so I experienced this as ‘limiting’ as now I can’t be how I’d like to be or just ‘be myself’, but now have to be ‘on guard’ and be careful about my behaviour, or else I might be treated badly. 

Which, in taking it back a step further and earlier into my childhood, I learned from my interactions with my parents themselves, as if I acted in a way that wasn’t liked, then I was treated ‘negatively’ and if I acted in a way that was liked, they treated me ‘positively’. And in those moments where I was treated negatively, where if I’d done something ‘wrong’ that they didn’t approve of, I might be punished by being spanked or sent to my room or some toys taken away. When I was punished, this wasn’t as fun as when I was not being punished and I’d feel like I was missing out, like I couldn’t go outside and climb trees or ride my bike or play with my friends. And when my parents were treating me nicely, I could play and do the things I like and have fun and there was no problem. What this shows is as children, we’re not effectively educated on practical common sense points of why interacting with others is important, and within that How to interact with others, why certain behaviors/actions are/aren’t appropriate, and educated that we’re not the only beings here, and that we have responsibilities here, because as a child most of your time is spent just ‘having fun’ without consideration of actual reality and that we exist with many many other beings here, and that it’s important to get along effectively and be able to develop effective relationships, as we don’t exist here alone, by ourself, but all depend on others here.

So, what happens in a moment of facing an interaction with someone, the fear comes up that they may not like me, and may thus treat me negatively, and I will fear that this will affect me negatively in some way, thus ‘being punished’. So this is essentially how we as children learn to use our behaviour to manipulate, where we learn to act certain ways according to trying to ensure that we can get a positive reaction out of our parents and not a negative one, and so within this, not learning what consequences our actions have in actual reality, but learning a system of behaviour in order to please others and avoid displeasing, because that leads to the other person creating consequence, as in the parent punishing the child.

This is also where children learn we can sometimes manipulate our parents into giving us what we want if we learn the behaviors that they like/react positively to, and repeat those behaviors when there is something we want, like a toy, or in ‘getting out of trouble’/to avoid punishment. Thus, the fear is actually self interest of not getting what I want, which is to ‘do what I want and have fun’ and ‘not have to worry about how another will react to me’, as when I’m meeting/interacting with someone, I ‘have to act a certain way’ and be concerned with how they’re going to react/act, and ‘be nice’, and ‘behave’ so that I can get that positive reaction, and thus I can’t just ‘be myself’ and ‘act how I want’. And if they treat me negatively, then I am going to ‘lose out’ and be punished, like if I’m not effective at meeting/interacting with people I won’t do good at my job and may get fired. 

In the next post we’ll continue walking the Fear Dimension and get into the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.
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