Showing posts with label who am i. Show all posts
Showing posts with label who am i. Show all posts

Day 219: Is Your Identity Bought?


I recently participated in a google hangout on Shopping Addiction that was really cool and here is a link to it so you can watch it: How To Tell if You Are A Shopaholic?

In this discussion a very cool point was brought up by Anna in relation to shopping addiction and one of the reasons behind why we would shop and buy things we don't necessarily need. This was the point of buying an 'identity' for yourself, or 'upgrading' oneself by buying new things and feeling like they are somehow going to make you better, like a better version of yourself, in a way. And I could really directly relate to that point as well, as that was also the primary point I found within myself, driving me to go shopping and buy things I didn't necessarily need.

We didn't get to open that point up in the hangout in the time that we had, so I'm opening it up within this post to look at this point in more detail, as I'm sure that there are many out there who would also share this same point, as it's really the foundation of the consumerism we've become on a large collective scale. Because it's easy to see that happening from a distance, in a way, like it's easy to see how as a whole we are consuming way more than we need, yet it's quite another thing to actually find the points within oneself, that is leading to this behavior on an individual level.

So, I did indeed find this very point within myself when I started investigating this point for myself of what is what that I was looking to gain from shopping. It's like I wanted to buy something that would make me feel better, like I am better or my life is better in some way because I have bought and acquired something that is going to improve me in some way, which when you look at it, all sounds really bizarre, doesn't it? Like how can a thing, actually make me or my life better? How can some object actually make me a better person or change who I am? Like, if I have this thing, then that means that I am somehow a better person, more effective, more attractive, more in-style, and basically have more/higher 'status'.

But what I had to realize is that no matter what I bought or possessed, it never did actually change me, as who I am. I was still always the same. And once that item wore out or broke, then I would feel depleted in some way, like I lost whatever I thought that item was giving me, because I'd used it to define myself and who I am.

So it's like, I made myself a slave to objects, in a way, because who I am would change in relation to what objects/possessions I would have, or wouldn't have. Where if I lacked possessions, or if what I had like for example with clothing, if the clothes that I had weren't in style, then I felt less and inferior and like society is going to judge me and see me as less/having less status.

And all of this is really bizarre, when you consider how there are places in the world where this definition according to what you have just cannot exist, in places that are poor and therefore less commercialized, where it's simply not possible to buy new/modern/in style products because they don't exist, and so you can't form an identity/self definition based on clothing and accessories.

When you place all this into perspective, and really get to see how we believe that we are somehow 'improved' or more 'superior' based on such things, you really see just how strange that is, like we are dressing up for a costume show and pretending we really are the character we're dressing up as, and like life is our personal movie and we are the star of the show. But once you can distinguish between the actual personal and the fake cover-up, it really is strange to see what we believe and have given power to have an affect on us. It's almost like the clothes are wearing the human, and the human is just acting out the role they've selected according to the style they've chosen. Very strange stuff.

Because I also noticed how with wearing different clothes and accessories, I would actually experience myself differently, and even act differently, based on what kind of clothes I was wearing, as if the clothes/outfit somehow gave me 'permission' to play a certain role. Like dressing 'sexy' for example. An interesting experiment would be to see if/how you change when wearing different clothes/accessories, to see how one has defined oneself according to what one wears, and to consider what if you didn't have those things to define yourself, who would you be?


Through uncovering these points for myself, I have been able to stop defining myself according to what I have, and therefore to no longer be, in effect, mind/behavior controlled according to what I have/don't have, so that who I am no longer changes without my direction according to my possessions, and through this building a me that is constant and stable and not requiring products to have a sense of self-worth or self-esteem, because it's ideas like that, where we believe that we need things outside of ourself to complete us, that really feeds consumerism. For a great documentary series on that, suggest to watch The Century of the Self, which shows the history of advertisement and how it was deliberately created in order to give individuals that very idea that you require some product to fulfill or enhance you as a person and that products can change the way you feel and experience yourself, and so this idea did not even come from ourselves, but has been impulsed through media until we took it on as our own self-belief.
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Day 210: Can We See Truth of Ourselves in Others?

Now continuing from the previous post, where I left off saying that there is a way in which we can develop the ability to be able to see ourselves as who/what we really are, using our ability to see things in others.

Now, obviously the first step is the decision to want to see yourself as who you are, which comes from the realization that thinking and believing you are one way, while living another way in actuality, leads to unfortunate consequences in your world and relationships. Really, it shouldn't sit right with you that you've got one version of yourself that you see in your mind while there is the real version of you walking around in reality, interacting with your world/others, and you don't even have a clue of the consequence you are creating, because you can't even see what you're really doing, what effect you're having on your world and those around you, what the truth behind your actions is, and most importantly, the example that you're living for others to see.

I mean, this didn't sit right with me to be stuck in a delusion of who I am when the truth of me is here always, and the only way you can seem to avoid it, is by lying to yourself and coming up with all sorts of excuses and justifications of why you're apparently excused from the expectations you would hold others to, why you're apparently allowed to do and say things that you don't find acceptable for others to do.

So since we are blinded by our own excuses and justifications, our own behaviors have become so accepted to a point that we don't see clearly and directly who and what we're being, and therefore, why the fact that we can at least see these things in others, becomes so important and ultimately useful. Because, we can use what we see in others, to get to see things in ourself. How does that work?

Since we can see another's behavior without all the justifications and excuses, we can see it for what it is and the consequence it creates. This can help us to identify certain behaviors, so that we can then look for that behavior in ourself, and then even identify the excuses and justifications we used/use in order to justify/give permission to ourself to participate in the behavior.

This like any skill one is developing will not be so easy at first but would get easier with time and application as you develop the ability to see various points within yourself, and then it actually becomes quite a fun and fascinating journey of developing self awareness, and 'unlocking the puzzle' in a way, of what we have become, as this riddle of self justifications and beliefs in contradiction to reality. It becomes quite fun to when you identify a point within another, to then investigate to find out where/how the same point exists in you.

So a practical example of this would be for example where you see someone who is distracted in a moment and therefore not being very considerate of what they are doing or where they are going, and then trip right into some object that they hadn't noticed was in their path, or maybe they even ran into you because they weren't looking where they were going, and you think or say something like 'why don't they watch where they are going??'. So the point here to investigate within oneself would be where are you in moments distracted and not aware of everything in your environment and you create some sort of consequence from not being aware and paying attention?

So what is the point of doing this? What do we do with this information? Once I have identified a point within another, and then found it also within myself in some aspect/area of my living? That we will get into in the next post, where we'll look at how this tool of seeing ourselves in others, is one of the most effective tools in the process of Self Change, which can be one of the most difficult things to do, and how this is of the utmost benefit to oneself. How the key to our true potential has been here all along, we just haven't been able to see it yet because we haven't been able to see ourselves.
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Day 149: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 2)



Featured Artwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This post is a continuation to:


Here we’ll continue with the Self Forgiveness statements for the Energy-Relationships as Reactions I’ve formed in relation to the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions.

Thought Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as the Thought as the image that came up in my mind of me ‘not enjoying myself’/’having a negative experience’ at work, and within this to go into a negative energy-experience of ‘Dread’, where I then become this energy-experience of ‘Dread’ within dreading the hours of work to come, and within this to not see, realize and understand how I’ve formed an energy-relationship toward the initial thought connecting such thought to the experience/emotion/reaction of ‘dread’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how by following this single thought I initiate an energy experience within my mind as the emotion/reaction of ‘dread’, as a negative energy-experience in order to direct myself with negative energy from taking care of/facing my responsibilities here, within this, taking for granted that this energy-experience is in fact ‘who I am’ simply because it is here and I am experiencing, and not questioning where this energy-experience came from or seeing and realizing that this energy experience is not real in fact and is only energy created and activated within my mind, and not actually here in the physical.

Imagination Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as the imagination where I imagine scenarios of what ‘I’d rather be doing’ instead of working, as for example being at home, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an energy-relationship of the feeling of ‘Comfort’ toward imagining being at home and not working, within this allowing an energy-experience to direct me in the moment and thus take me away from the moment and applying myself here within doing my job.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the energy-experience that I experience as real, where I believe what the mind is ‘showing me’ in that if I wasn’t working or was at home I would experience myself as ‘comfortable’, within this not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am the one that create that experience of ‘comfort’ actually, thus showing me that I have separated myself from ‘comfort’ wherein I am only living ‘comfort’ as an energetic experience that I can only experience within certain situations, like when not working and being at home, instead of considering that I could live comfort as myself, within whatever it is that I am doing, as long as it is not obviously compromising/harming me in a real physical way, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what the mind is showing me as that I must be not working or be at home to experience comfort, that I can’t apparently live it as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’ve manipulated myself within becoming my imagination and the energy-experience of ‘comfort’ that comes up in relation to imagining not working, and within this sabotaging my effectiveness within the world, within doing my job effectively and providing myself with an effective income, and in pushing myself to see how I can expand within my world and reality, within this not seeing how I am accepting limitation by living as the energy-experience of ‘comfort’ toward not working/being at home, where if I follow this energy-experience it lead to me not expanding myself but remaining the same and not changing and exploring what is my real potential and what is possible for me to do here in reality.

Backchat Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go even further into the possession of the I Don’t Want to Do This Character toward working, by continuing from the Imagination Dimension and going on into the Backchat Dimension, where I then go into an internal conversation toward the scenes that paly out within my mind within my Imagination, not realizing that by speaking these words within me I am further validating/substantiating myself as this character/personality as the thoughts, imagination and reactions that came up within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an energy-relationship toward the backchat “Man I really don’t want to do this” / “I am not going to enjoy this” / “This is not going to go well”, where I then experience the negative energy experience of ‘Anxiety’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an energy-relationship toward the backchat “I wish I could be doing something else” / “It’s going to be so long before I’m finished” / “I wish I could be doing something else” / “It’s going to be so long before I’m finished”, where I experience the negative energy-experience of ‘Depression’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an energy-relationship toward the backchat “I would be so much more comfortable if I was at home right now” / “I’d be so relieved to be able to stop working now for the day” / “I really can’t wait to be done working” / “I’ll finally be able to enjoy myself once I’m done working” / “It’d be so nice to just sit down and relax”, toward which I experience the positive energy-experience of ‘Relaxation’, within this not realizing that I am not living this experience of ‘relaxation’ as an expression of myself, but that it is coming up as an experience toward the images and backchat within my mind, and thus not a real actual expression of myself as me simply being here ‘relaxing’, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to even question/realize how is it that I am now experiencing ‘relaxation’ because of the images/backchat that has just come up within my mind, and it wasn’t because I actually decided in self awareness, ‘I am going to express myself as relaxation/being relaxed with now, and thus how this indicates that I am in fact mind controlled and not self-directed self-willed individual if my experience within myself change due to what is just popping up within my mind seemingly from nowhere.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I have actually accepted and allowed these energy-experiences within me, and thus I am actually the cause of these energy experiences, which means that I can stand up as the directive principle in stopping and no longer participating in energy-experiences within/toward such/similar backchat, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energy-experiences as reactions to thoughts, imagination and backchat that comes up within me, and not even question if I really am these thoughts, imagination, backchat and reactions and why it is these experiences are going on inside of me and I am not just stable here as myself as the physical.

In the next post, we’ll continue with the Commitment Statements in relation the points walked here in Self Forgiveness, wherein I’ll walk through the corrections as to how I will walk myself through and out of this character, to stand here as myself, stable, and in particular be able to really apply myself in my job/work, and no longer be directed by the Energy-Relationships I’ve formed within this character/personality.
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Day 117: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 1)


This post is a continuation to:



Within this post I’ll be walking the Reaction Dimension of the Validation Character, in the context of meeting/interacting with others, to get to understand the dimensions of this character, to assist and support myself to walk myself out of the patterns of this energy-based personality, and into a real living physical being.
For context on the Reaction Dimension, suggest to read the following posts from Heaven’s Journey to Life:





So here I’ll be looking at the Reactions that come up within me that activate along with the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions as the energy relationships I’ve formed toward each point, that together with the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions, lead to an actual possession where the mind will actually be able to ‘move me’ in/as energy and energy-experiences, and applying Self forgiveness on the Reaction Dimension, to release myself from the energy-relationships I’ve formed so to assist and support myself to instead of reacting in energy emotion/feeling experiences toward the Dimensions of Thought, Imagination and Backchat, to rather be able to simply see/become aware of the dimensions, to realize that who I am is not a Thought as Memory in my mind.

Thought Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and experience of myself toward a thought of seeing myself as not-being liked by another, where I’ve connected this to me experiencing anxiety, and so become the energy of anxiety in the moment and allow it to direct me and I become that anxiety in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider/see/realize that in that single moment of when that thought crossed my mind, and I related to the image as anxiety, I accepted and allowed myself to become that experience of anxiety, because I believed that that anxiety ‘is me’, thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is actually me that decided to become and experience that thought, and that within that decision I accepted and allowed myself to be directed by a thought, instead of remaining here as myself, directing myself in awareness. 

Imagination Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the imagination of the person I am going to meet ‘not liking me’ and ‘being mean to me’, and within this imagination to connect my experience of myself to a reaction of hopelessness, where within the imagination, I ‘visualized’ that the person would already not like me, and thus it was a really ‘hopeless’ situation because I was picturing that this person was already/automatically not going to like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I went from an imagination to an energetic experience where instead of being here in the actual moment in actual reality, I went into an alternate reality within an energy experience where I then experienced hopelessness and experienced myself/the situation as ‘hopeless’, and within this not considering/realizing that that feeling/reaction is not who I actually am, but is a reaction/experience triggered within my Imagination through the energy-relationship I formed as ‘hopeless’ to the scenario I played out in my mind.

I’ll go up to here for now and continue in the next post in walking the Self Forgiveness on the Energy-Relationships in Relation to the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions.

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