Day 92: Sorry I Can’t Afford It

I was at the dentist today and having an evaluation done to see what work I require and to set up a plan for the work I’d need done. In the case of one tooth, it may require a root canal which can usually run around $1500, which I can’t afford. In this kind of a situation, where I’m not able to afford what is the best course of action, I would usually start to go into a form of anxiety at the thought of having to explain that I can’t do what is suggested because I don’t have the money.

Wherein, I don’t want to be the ‘bearer of bad news’ so to speak, and have to ‘ruin’ the situation, by now creating the ‘problem’ of not being able to do the prescribed course of action, and thus now have made things ‘more difficult’ in having to find some other solution/course of action that is the best I can do for what I can afford. And like I have ‘ruined the pleasant moment’ where everything is going along all nicely, but then due to me not having the money to afford it, now the situation is no fun, because I’m drawing attention to the fuck-up of the current economic system which has real actual physical consequences as in this example not being able to get the needed healthcare, which will have consequences in that my teeth will not last as long and I might suffer more discomfort and pain, than if I was able to get the proper treatment.

Thus in the moment where it has to be exposed that I cannot afford what is obviously necessary physical care to prevent suffering and assist and support my physical body to function properly and effectively, it brings out and exposes the harm and suffering we’re allowing to exist in this world on an even more extensive and massive scale, than not being able to get proper dental care, but where many do not even get enough food to eat to survive and die a slow painful death, or rather ‘live-through’ a slow painful death of starvation as their physical body shuts down slowly but surely. And, where many get diseases and illnesses that are treatable, but have no access to treatment and thus suffer and die, totally unnecessarily.

So in these kinds of moments, I’d go into a personal reaction, wherein I’d take it personally as a judgment on myself for not being able to afford the proper course of action, and thus blame myself for ‘making things more complicated’ and ‘ruining the moment’/being a ‘downer’, wherein it’s like everything was going on so nicely, and now I have ruined the moment, and created an awkward situation, within this not realizing that this mentality is preprogrammed brainwashing to get you to blame yourself for not being able to afford something, instead of taking a look at the actual economic system where you’d find that it’s actually built into the system that most can’t afford one’s basic needs, so that instead of considering how to change the system, you’ll rather focus on a personal experience, and internalize the experience, thus leaving the system intact and unthreatened.

This kind of ‘morality’ as a sort of personal pride/worth based on one’s income/financial situation was deliberately created for this very reason, so that we’ll never stand up to change the actual system through which the inequality is being created in the first place, so as to not disturb the ability of those at ‘the top’ to make profits. So that, we’ll go into a reaction of anxiety and embarrassment, instead of questioning, why does this situation even exist in the first place? So that we’ll blame ourselves, for not ‘working hard enough’, to be able to make enough money to effectively support ourselves, and that we’ve failed, not considering/realizing that not all get equal support. There are those who come into this life with all the support one could get, and those are the ones who are going to get the best positions within the system, as they have had a ‘leg-up’ from the very beginning. And, of course, there are those tiny tiny few who struggle and struggle and make it into a ‘higher’ position, and then they are used as examples to apparently ‘prove’ that any could actually make it, because they came from so little, while ignoring the obvious common sense that not everyone could ‘make it’ and be at ‘the top’ in the current design of the system, I mean, could everyone be the president of a company? No, because there’d be no workers doing the other aspects of the labor.

So the system is really deliberately set up to not support everyone and to create those in poverty, as not everyone has the possibility of getting into an effective position of support, as not all positions are given equal support and thus there is a limited number of such positions. And, there is extensive requirements that one must have met or must go through to get into such a position, which means you need to have had access to things like ‘advanced’ training/education, must have access to such opportunities through which you can ‘make your way to the top’, and you obviously must have your basic needs met. The majority do not ever get/have such opportunities, as the system isn’t set up to support everyone, in providing a proper education to all, proper nutrition and healthcare, and all that one requires to thrive and grow into an effective individual.

So, as we allow the current system to exist as it does, we’re allowing all the suffering and abuse that is being caused in each and every moment that we do not stand up for change. This is just one tiny example I’ve given, which has a very big impact in my life, and is just a glimpse of what is taking place to millions of beings in this world, many going through much worse. And this just shows that we do know what is going on, but have been accepting it, so now it’s time to reverse our acceptance of a system of inequality and abuse, into acceptance of nothing less but a system which supports life in every way.

Self Forgiveness to follow in the next post.

Day 38 – Bad Teeth – Bad Luck

In my life I found myself on the side of experiencing the consequences of our allowance of the current system which does not effectively support everyone. There were many consequences due to this but in this blog I will focus on one which is affecting me currently which is – bad teeth. My teeth began to deteriorate pretty early on in my life. As a young child I was able to get the healthcare I needed as my father had a job in the military which provided healthcare to our family, and as most of your baby teeth fall out anyway, it wasn’t necessary to get work done on them. However when I got into my late teens, I was no longer covered by my father’s healthcare provided through the military as he had retired, and this is when my teeth really took a turn for the worse. I started to have intense toothaches that became more and more severe where the pain would travel up into my head and down into my neck and would be so debilitating that I couldn’t function at all whatsoever and would lay in bed or on the floor, wherever I was it didn’t matter because the pain was taking up all of my focus entirely, and all I could do was writhe in pain. I was afraid that I was maybe going to die from whatever was happening within my body, as I’d heard you can die from tooth infections. I ended up going to the hospital emergency room, even though they could do nothing but give me medication strong enough for the pain, so that I’d hopefully be able to go back to work, so that I could continue earning enough money to survive.

Ill health interferes with your ability to make a living and when you’re already ‘living on the edge’ in terms of making enough money to pay for your needs, your situation becomes even more dire, as if you can’t work, you can’t make money and could even lose your job, and then you’re sick and without a means to get money to live. It doesn’t make sense that such a situation is even allowed to exist, as it’s obvious common sense that no one would want to find themselves in such a situation. It doesn’t make sense to put ourselves in situations where we’re faced with such dire extremes of experiences and the impossibility to support ourselves out of it, while some never experience such experiences as they’re supported from the get-go, and while the vast majority suffers such experiences and more, all to feed the greed of those who would profit off of others' suffering. It’s simply unacceptable.

These experiences around not being able to get adequate dental care and the extensively painful and debilitating experiences I went through had a hand in shaping myself as a personality toward the system and my world and reality, where I took on a definition of a helpless victim, as I was a victim of the system as I literally found myself without a choice to do that which those who have the option would obviously do, which is to get the healthcare that one needs, so that one can live effectively and not have to experience such extensive pain and suffering when a solution exists. 

Unaware of it at the time I used these events to create further experiences within myself within my mind consciousness system, as how I interpreted these events and formed a relationship to/toward these events, and so added consequence as feelings and emotions that I participated in. I experienced things like a feeling of total and utter frustration, anger and rage at knowing that the unbelievable pain I was going through could have been easily prevented if I’d had access to proper care from the get-go, and could have been easily stopped if I could have had proper care in those moments of suffering. And knowing that there are others all around me who are able to get that healthcare and that for some reason I am not, that reason being because the system does not support all equally and they were in more ‘fortune’-ate positions within the system where they have access to more money and thus can afford the proper care. And I feared what long-term effects it was having on my body not getting the healthcare it needed in time. It did not make any sense to me to not be able to take care of one’s physical body, as the physical body is what allows you to be here as a physical being in physical reality to live and express, and thus you’d want to take the absolute best care of your physical body, as it’s YOU.

So it’s through participating in those thoughts, feelings and emotions that I added even more suffering to the actual physical suffering that I experienced. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system which does not provide adequate healthcare to everyone equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow unnecessary suffering to go on that actual beings go through on a day to day basis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow a system which actually profits off of ill health, when such system is meant to be the life support system through which we provide and distribute our needs to ourselves, but instead we’re allowing it to feed off of ourselves where the system is actually parasitic in nature rather than supporting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider those that suffer unless I am the one suffering, as then I have no choice but to face what is going on in this reality as what we’re accepting and allowing to exist as I am actually experiencing the consequences first hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require to experience the consequences first hand to even consider what is going on in this world, where if I had not experienced the consequences myself I may have continued in my personal bubble of existence not considering or realizing the ineffectiveness of the system and the extensive pain and suffering that takes place which is totally unnecessary and easily preventable, but that within accepting the system the way it is, we allow the suffering to take place and thus are actually responsible for the suffering of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I am responsible for the preventable and unnecessary suffering that goes on in the world because I am giving life to the system which facilitates such abuse, and not standing up and taking action to ensure that the system I am utilizing and allowing myself to benefit from is not causing harm to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within accepting the current system, I am accepting the suffering and abuse that takes place within the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the consequences as the damage that is done to beings by not having adequate access to one’s needs as the necessary food, water, healthcare, etc., Is damage that shape and affect that beings life for the entirety of their life and directly affect the quality of their life and ability to live effectively. Thus -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that by accepting and allowing the current abusive system, that I am directly responsible for the irreversible harm that is done to beings, forever changing their lives and limiting their ability to live effectively in this world, and the suffering both mentally and physically that come from this. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add to my own suffering by participation in thoughts feelings and emotions onto the physical suffering I was already experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within my mind consciousness system, utilize the events that happened to me, to create and fuel a definition of myself as a ‘victim’ wherein I used my position in life to generate energetic experiences within myself, adding further consequence to the consequence I was already experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a society that supports such relationships toward those who are not able to find support within the system, that judges them as ‘less than’ while ignoring that fact that the system is not set up to actually support everyone, and that it’s current design creates lack in order to create demand in order to make profits off of those who can afford to pay the highest prices, while neglecting those who cannot afford to pay at all.

I commit myself to not utilizing the events and circumstances that I find myself in to create further suffering for myself on top of what I am actually experiencing in physical reality.

I commit myself to realizing that we are all responsible for the suffering that takes place, mental and physical, as we have supported each other within the examples we have lived as, yet as an individual I am able to take responsibility for what I experience inside myself and not create experiences inside myself based on the examples of others in my world and reality.

I commit myself to give myself and all, one and equal, the gift of an economic system that actually functions effectively as a life-support system ensuring that all get access to their needs, and that no one is made to suffer that which can be corrected or prevented, and where we do not support each other as mind consciousness systems to participate in building relationships within ourselves toward what we experience creating further unnecessary suffering, and where whether or not you're supported doesn't depend on the luck of what financial position you're born into, as no matter where you're born you're born into a position where you are supported.