Day 92: Sorry I Can’t Afford It

I was at the dentist today and having an evaluation done to see what work I require and to set up a plan for the work I’d need done. In the case of one tooth, it may require a root canal which can usually run around $1500, which I can’t afford. In this kind of a situation, where I’m not able to afford what is the best course of action, I would usually start to go into a form of anxiety at the thought of having to explain that I can’t do what is suggested because I don’t have the money.
Wherein, I don’t want to be the ‘bearer of bad news’ so to speak, and have to ‘ruin’ the situation, by now creating the ‘problem’ of not being able to do the prescribed course of action, and thus now have made things ‘more difficult’ in having to find some other solution/course of action that is the best I can do for what I can afford. And like I have ‘ruined the pleasant moment’ where everything is going along all nicely, but then due to me not having the money to afford it, now the situation is no fun, because I’m drawing attention to the fuck-up of the current economic system which has real actual physical consequences as in this example not being able to get the needed healthcare, which will have consequences in that my teeth will not last as long and I might suffer more discomfort and pain, than if I was able to get the proper treatment.
Thus in the moment where it has to be exposed that I cannot afford what is obviously necessary physical care to prevent suffering and assist and support my physical body to function properly and effectively, it brings out and exposes the harm and suffering we’re allowing to exist in this world on an even more extensive and massive scale, than not being able to get proper dental care, but where many do not even get enough food to eat to survive and die a slow painful death, or rather ‘live-through’ a slow painful death of starvation as their physical body shuts down slowly but surely. And, where many get diseases and illnesses that are treatable, but have no access to treatment and thus suffer and die, totally unnecessarily.
So in these kinds of moments, I’d go into a personal reaction, wherein I’d take it personally as a judgment on myself for not being able to afford the proper course of action, and thus blame myself for ‘making things more complicated’ and ‘ruining the moment’/being a ‘downer’, wherein it’s like everything was going on so nicely, and now I have ruined the moment, and created an awkward situation, within this not realizing that this mentality is preprogrammed brainwashing to get you to blame yourself for not being able to afford something, instead of taking a look at the actual economic system where you’d find that it’s actually built into the system that most can’t afford one’s basic needs, so that instead of considering how to change the system, you’ll rather focus on a personal experience, and internalize the experience, thus leaving the system intact and unthreatened.
This kind of ‘morality’ as a sort of personal pride/worth based on one’s income/financial situation was deliberately created for this very reason, so that we’ll never stand up to change the actual system through which the inequality is being created in the first place, so as to not disturb the ability of those at ‘the top’ to make profits. So that, we’ll go into a reaction of anxiety and embarrassment, instead of questioning, why does this situation even exist in the first place? So that we’ll blame ourselves, for not ‘working hard enough’, to be able to make enough money to effectively support ourselves, and that we’ve failed, not considering/realizing that not all get equal support. There are those who come into this life with all the support one could get, and those are the ones who are going to get the best positions within the system, as they have had a ‘leg-up’ from the very beginning. And, of course, there are those tiny tiny few who struggle and struggle and make it into a ‘higher’ position, and then they are used as examples to apparently ‘prove’ that any could actually make it, because they came from so little, while ignoring the obvious common sense that not everyone could ‘make it’ and be at ‘the top’ in the current design of the system, I mean, could everyone be the president of a company? No, because there’d be no workers doing the other aspects of the labor.
So the system is really deliberately set up to not support everyone and to create those in poverty, as not everyone has the possibility of getting into an effective position of support, as not all positions are given equal support and thus there is a limited number of such positions. And, there is extensive requirements that one must have met or must go through to get into such a position, which means you need to have had access to things like ‘advanced’ training/education, must have access to such opportunities through which you can ‘make your way to the top’, and you obviously must have your basic needs met. The majority do not ever get/have such opportunities, as the system isn’t set up to support everyone, in providing a proper education to all, proper nutrition and healthcare, and all that one requires to thrive and grow into an effective individual.
So, as we allow the current system to exist as it does, we’re allowing all the suffering and abuse that is being caused in each and every moment that we do not stand up for change. This is just one tiny example I’ve given, which has a very big impact in my life, and is just a glimpse of what is taking place to millions of beings in this world, many going through much worse. And this just shows that we do know what is going on, but have been accepting it, so now it’s time to reverse our acceptance of a system of inequality and abuse, into acceptance of nothing less but a system which supports life in every way.
Self Forgiveness to follow in the next post.
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