Day 209: Why Can't We See Ourselves?

Throughout our lives, we never really learn to investigate ourselves, in fact, just the opposite – we learn to practically completely separate ourselves from who and what we really are. What do I mean by that? Well, we tend to form an idea about ourselves, the kind of person we are, that is based on ideas and thoughts in our mind. We have a certain perception of ourselves, that others will not always have of us. This is how we can end up being or feeling like we're 'misunderstood'. Like, 'they just don't get me', 'nobody gets me'. And that's because we have a separate version of ourselves in our mind. In our mind, exist all the justifications for why/who/how we are, all the dreams of what we 'wish we could be', all the imaginations of 'who we would be' if things had gone differently, all our self definitions of 'who I am' in relation to this or that - “I'm miserable when it rains' or 'I like this kind of music and hate that one', who I can/can't be around certain people or in certain situations. It is a whole lot of information we contain within ourselves, that isn't actually 'out here' in reality, where everyone else can see it. So, we can have a very different view of ourselves than others might have.

We never learn to investigate ourselves – this is leading to how others serve as mirrors to assist us to see ourselves as we really are, because we have been so geared to miss that, that this actually probably won't even make sense to you, until you actually witness it for yourself, which requires self investigation. You've got to really look at who you think you are, and who you are in reality – what values are you living out toward others that you wouldn't, for example excuse others form acting that way toward you, but that you've apparently justified it in your mind why in some situation/scenario you would act that way to another and so you don't even see when you are doing the same thing.

So, this is how it is that we can actually be completely oblivious to who we really are. I'm sure, we've all had those moments where we notice what someone else is doing, and we have the thought ' how can they not even see what they are doing right now??' or 'don't they even realize what they're doing??'. Like if someone makes a comment toward you and makes a certain face and you take it as they are being nasty toward you, and you are thinking 'how do they not see how nasty they are being right now?'

You see, it's easy to see it in someone else, because you're not in their mind, having the same experience as them, having had the same life as them, and everything that goes along with that which has led up to this moment where they are acting in that certain way. Now, it's quite different when you are the one acting, because you do have all your thought patterns and established patterns of behavior that you've developed over the years of your life that determine how you'll react in a certain way toward something, and so in that moment it is just going to 'make sense' why you are reacting how you are and you won't even question it. And so, that's why the other person apparently isn't noticing their own behavior either.

This is largely because as children, we're actually trained to act and behave in certain ways, you know, to 'do as your told', so we don't develop an understanding of ourselves and behavior in any way, we simply learn 'don't do this' and 'do that'. Thus, we basically learn to act in ways that will hopefully avoid a negative response, and that's about the extent of what we learn about behavior. We view our actions in terms of trying to avoid certain consequences. So our behavior becomes all about outward appearances essentially, where we're geared toward presenting ourselves to others in certain ways, and there is no focus on who we really are within ourselves, and what the starting point is behind our behaviors and actions.

It is important that we get to understand this point, so that we can start to develop a self awareness and get to understand ourselves, because the way we are living currently for the most part is very consequential, in all aspects of our lives, as we can see that the world is busy falling apart due to our negligence.

Luckily, we can utilize the function of how it is seemingly so easy to see what another is doing, to unlock the secrets to our own behavior, which is quite a fascinating, illuminating, and ultimately self-empowering process, and I will continue with that in the next post.

Related articles

• Day 234: Choice, consequence and possession
• Eternal Darkness (Part 2): DAY 464
• The sins of the Fathers - Day 425
• Day 489 - Dishonest Thoughts/Back Chat and Judgements - Part 2
• DAY 28: How do I make decisions?

Day 203: Why do Teens Lie to Their Parents?

When I was a teenager I'd stay out late and lie about it. I would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to hang out with friends that I wasn't allowed to because 'they were a bad influence'. I drank and did drugs. And I lied bout it all obviously because if I didn't, I would have been punished. And I wanted to try/do all these things because there were many examples in my life that was saying these things were apparently what you want to do as a teenager. My mom would say those things are bad, you're not allowed to do them, but I wouldn't listen because I didn't trust her, because she would get emotional and judgmental and that obviously doesn't look like a sound supportive being who I could trust for practical advice. She just didn't have the effective understanding and vocabulary to effectively express things to me, like an equal talking to another equal who is new to the world and giving practical support of how this world operates and how consequence works in reality. She wasn't trained to be a parent because we don't have effective training in parenting for everyone.

There is the tendency to want to 'hide' what is wrong with ourselves/the world from children when they're very little, or to not talk about such 'negative' things, in order to allow children to have as a 'good' a time as possible, and then what happens is they don't have any practical idea of the dangers out there or the consequences we can create for ourselves.

What we also tend to do is to 'create consequences' for children, which are then like 'fake' consequences, things like taking away the things they like to do like use their phone or the internet or the tv, but these so-called consequences are consequences that we did unto them, they are not the Actual consequences that would result from their behavior. So when we do this they are not learning about what their actual consequences of their actions are, they are only learning that if/when they are 'caught', by you, doing certain things, that then You will do something to them, or take something from them. So then what happens is you get in the way of them learning about actual consequence, because they are only now learning what you might do to them.

So the child actually has, from that perspective, very common sensical reason to lie to you – to avoid your punishment. So to tell the child not to lie to you, or it's not right to lie, is like, rather pointless because they found a benefit to lying, which was to get themselves out of punishment and get to do what they think they want to do, sometimes. So to say there is consequence to lying to you isn't going to make much sense, because to the child it will seem there is more consequence in not lying to you. Also, in the way the world is, one may find it necessary to lie in some circumstances. Because we as human beings are not yet trustworthy enough with each other to be able to just be honest all with everything. So, you don't want to form a morality toward lying as being right/wrong / good/bad. It is preferable to not lie of course.

So things like taking tv away or 'being grounded' for example, are actually 'punishments'. They are not the natural actual consequences that would result from what they are doing. Like for example, if you stay up late a lot it can affect the development of your body and lead to issues down the road, as the body depletes itself from not getting the rest it needs to rebuild itself from the day's living. Not – if you stay up late you will be grounded. That doesn't make sense. That doesn't give any practical understanding of the consequence they would create for themselves by not sleeping properly, that is the consequence You will create because You want them to sleep and not stay out late, so then it is about what You Want and not about what is Best for Themself.

As parents we have a tendency to attempt to control, because we don't believe anything else will work. We don't believe that a child would respond to common sense, because we haven't aligned ourself with common sense yet. So we think we have to 'put a foot down' and take control. So you're essentially demanding that they comply, and that is very unlikely to have a positive result. What it's going to look like to the child is that You want something of/from them, You wanting to control them/their behavior to the result You want. They are not going to see it as trying to prevent them from experiencing consequences in reality, as what is best for Them. Because that is in fact essentially what it is, it is wanting/demanding/expecting certain behavior from the child. That is in essence wanting to control another being, and most beings are not going to respond well to being controlled. I certainly didn't, if you have had experiences in your life where another was trying to control you, you can check what effect that had/how did you respond to that.

So we've got a ways to go in correcting ourselves, and the children are going to suffer through that, as did we also as children, but we'll walk ourselves out of this step by step until it's done, and we can challenge ourselves to make it as fun as we can, by not making things personal/judging. We have now the tools and just have to walk it, educate ourselves to become practical beings grounded here in reality.


An important point within this, is to look at everything from the perspective of what am I living, instead of what I'm expecting another to live for/toward me. And checking all points that come up, like if I am mad at them for lying – how/when/where do I or have I lied? Or if they aren't respecting me - how/where have I not been respectful? Where respect would mean treating another as my equal. There is the tendency to place all these expectations on another, without focusing on ourselves and our own living and behaviors.

And we need to educate ourselves on the actual consequences so we can effectively explain them - not the consequences we would create for them ourself. Give the child the common sense, so they can reason for themselves what is the best course of action. And if they make a mistake – do not judge them. And realize, they have not hurt you, they only hurt themselves. When we make it about me and what They're doing to Me, then it is about control and manipulation and enslavement instead of allowing a being their individual life and learning process. It is like the 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink'. We can show the children where the water is, but we can't make them drink it. And the more we would try to force them to the more they would resist, because then it looks like we have some personal agenda or investment in it, and it is going to seem fishy. You've got to give the child their space to choose. Trust in a relationship is indeed something that is built, but you have to give trust at first for it to even be possible for trust to emerge. You have to trust the being, not to act how you want them to, but trust the being to hear common sense, and to understand the choices they face is always to do what is best for them or what is not. Maybe they will, and maybe they won't. But it must be up to the individual if we're to live as truly equals.

Related articles

• Day 403: Oh TV, How I Look up to You
• Day 450: The Power of Now Illuminated
• Emotion Driven Parents - Day 396
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Day 128: Validation Character: Fear Dimension (Part 2)

Self-Defeat by Andrew Gable

This post is a continuation to:

Day 108: Waiting to Value Myself

Day 109: Waiting for Approval – I Need You To Like Me: Thought Dimension
Day 110: Waiting for Approval: Thought Dimension: Practical Application
Day 111: Validation Character: Imagination Dimension 
Day 112: Validation Character: Imagination Dimension: Self Forgiveness

Day 113: Validation Character: Imagination Dimension: Commitment Statements

Day 114: Validation Character: Backchat Dimension

Day 115: Validation Character: Backchat Dimension: Self Forgiveness

Day 116: Validation Character: Backchat Dimension: Self Commitment Statements

Day 117: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 1)

Day 118: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 2)

Day 119: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 3)

Day 120: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 4)

Day 121: Validation Character: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 1)

Day 122: Validation Character: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 2)

Day 123: Validation Character: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 3)

Day 124: Validation Character: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 4)

Day 125: Validation Character: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 5)

Day 126: Validation Character: Physical/Behavior Dimension (Part 6)

Day 127: Validation Character: Fear Dimension (Part 1)

In this post we’re continuing from the previous post in which I wrote out the Fear Dimension of the Validation Character, taking a look at what the fear is that came up in some experience in my past, that is the original reason I created/participated in this character in the first place, in trying to ‘protect’ myself from what it is I feared. So here now continuing with walking Self Forgiveness Statements on the Fear Dimension of the Validation Character:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child and until now, not understand my relationship toward meeting/interacting with others as since for the first few years of my life in this world I primarily only experienced my relationship to myself, and during that time formed a relationship toward what I experienced as ‘positive’ and thus when I was introduced to meeting/interacting with others, this did not fit in with my mind’s definition of a ‘positive’ experience as playing and having fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how as a child, I remember facing a moment of meeting/interacting with someone, and didn’t want to do it, because in my mind I pictured doing the things I usually did, things that I ‘chose’ to do cause as a child I was essentially ‘free’ to do what I ‘like’, like playing outside or riding my bike, and so in that moment of facing meeting/interacting with another, realized, then I ‘can’t go and do what I want’ if I have to be interacting with this person, and so would be missing out on what I usually am ‘free’ to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that since I’d come into this world and really only experienced my own personal reality, where I was ‘free’ to do what I like and play and have fun, with no introduction yet to my responsibility within interacting with others, that when I was introduced to it, and it was done so from within a starting point of ‘you have to do it’, ‘you have no choice’, that I then diverted my reaction towards the parent and getting mad at them for and blaming them for me not being free to do what I’d like, not realizing that the reaction I’m having toward them was in fact coming from within myself from the inner-conflict of me not yet understanding my responsibility in this world, because all I’d understood thus far was My Wants, which I was experienced as being taken away, and thus blaming the parent because they are the one ‘enforcing’ my responsibility, so basically a case of ‘shooting the messenger’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child, define the experience of meeting/interacting with another as ‘not fun’, as something I ‘don’t want to do’, and that in meeting/interacting with someone, means I’ll be ‘missing out’ on being able to do ‘what I want’ and being ‘free’ to choose to do so.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration that I do not exist here alone by myself, but that I exist here with many beings and that how I live in this world as my words and actions and my responsibilities will determine the nature of the relationships I’ll form with others, and so my future in this world. And thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the consequences and responsibilities within effectively interacting with others here, but to only consider my own personal Wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I’d formed a relationship to Time, within having to meet/interact with someone, means that I can’t do what I’d like Now, and thus will have to Wait to get what I want, and so feeling like I am ‘missing out on something now’ where I could have been doing what I want/like Now, but since I have to have this interaction, I am missing out on the Experience/Fun I could have had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I from my childhood til now still accept and allow myself to react in resistance toward meeting/interacting with others within this fear of me missing out and not getting to do what I want, and so have accepted and allowed this relationship to become a living condition as this Character/Personality that I use to justify me to get what I want and disregarding the consequences I’m creating in my world/relationships in not considering my responsibility here with all the other beings I exist here with.

We’ll go up to here for now, and continue in the next post with Self Forgiveness on the Fear Dimension.

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• Day One Hundred and Fifty-Two: A Journey into Life - My Characters in the Mirror
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Day 53: Sweet Love/Hate Relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship toward sugar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as parents that train children to become addicted to sugar/sweets from a very early age, which can have lasting and permanent damaging effects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for my sugar addiction, when it does not matter how it started as I am here and I am responsible for how I live/what I eat, and I was blaming my parents so that I could use that as an excuse to continue consuming sugar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as parents choose the ‘easy way’ of using sugar to control my child’s behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could just stop consuming sugar, not realizing that the dietary habits I’ve existed as from a young age have become actually programmed into the physical and thus one can cause great harm by making sudden drastic changes without taking the actual state of the physical into consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in believing I should stop eating sugar because it’s ‘bad for you’ is a belief made in separation of the actual state of the physical, as what is best for one to consume depends on the actual state of one’s physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the information and science that I investigate must be put into context of the individual and the state of their physical, otherwise to apply information that is not in context to one’s specific body and it’s specific programming can result in great harm and adverse effects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow a society and medical system in which an individual’s physical is not fully considered, where individuals are treated ‘in bulk’ according to a symptom that is experienced but not considering all the factors that are taking place in an individual’s specific physical human body, as one’s diet, environment, genetic programming, and who the being is and their relationship to themselves, which has a direct and significant effect on the body.

I commit myself to investigating where and how I’ve formed a relationship toward sugar, to stop separating myself from what is here within judgment, so that I can see what is here for what it is and not colored by a judgment in my mind.

I commit myself to realizing that blame is always me attempting/trying to hide my responsibility from myself, and thus when I find myself blaming I immediately stop and investigate where/how I am responsible so that I can correct myself and live as the example of correction.

I commit myself to not take the ‘easy way’ but to always do what is the best possible action in a given moment.

I commit myself to consider the entire state of the physical and not to impose dietary habits in separation of the actual state of the physical.

I commit myself to not form beliefs according to what is good/bad to eat based in separation of not considering the condition of one’s actual physical body.

I commit myself to make sure I put all information into context of the state of the physical, to ensure that I do not cause unnecessary adverse effects/harm.

I commit myself to showing the common sense of considering the actual state/condition of the physical of a particular individual must be taken into consideration to ensure that no unnecessary/preventable harm is done to any being, and that this should be the standard for all medical practice. 

Day 36 – Self Transformation of Appreciation

For context listen to the interview LifeReview – Expecting Appreciation from Others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop an energetic relationship within myself of doing something to ‘get’ appreciation from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the relationship within myself of where if/when I get ‘positive’ feedback from others as appreciation that I experience a positive experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am being rewarded when others show me appreciation for what I’ve done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel an actual energetic rush like a warm surge within myself when another reacts in appreciation toward what I have done for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent / addicted to getting appreciation from others, which is like being addicted to a drug which cause a certain feeling in oneself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that this is actually manipulation of others and of myself where I manipulate others by performing certain actions in order to have them react in a certain way/the way I want, which is to react within/as appreciation, so utilizing my actions in order to manipulate them to show me appreciation, which is to actually manipulate myself to be able to experience that ‘feel good’ feeling I get when someone shows appreciation toward me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within this I have enslaved myself to energy, where my very actions are directed by the want/need/desire to have others react in appreciation, in order to generate this energetic experience for myself within myself, and thus I have become addicted to energy, and living only for this energy, where my actions are directed according to that which will get me this energy, and thus I am not here actually living, as myself, but have enslaved myself to energy which must be constantly and continuously generated through my participation, and thus in living to get energy to consume, I am actually consuming my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that as parents we program and encourage this energetic relationship within the children within saying things like ‘I really like it when you do this for me’ and putting on ‘nice’ behaviors like smiling or giving a hug, within this encouraging and affirming this relationship to develop within the child, who will then live as this behavior throughout their life and then teach it to their children as well, so passing on the sins of the fathers, we keep ourselves trapped in cycles of enslavement to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that within living as this pattern I am thus not living as myself and for myself, where what I do would not depend on what reaction another might have, and my experience of myself would not change according to other’s reactions, but I would remain stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that actual satisfaction comes from living as and for myself, as real satisfaction comes from self, within living for self, and not living enslaved to seeking out energy where what I do is thus not for myself as what I’d actually like to do, but is directed for and within the desire for an energetic experience, which isn’t real or sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to react in appreciation when I do something for them, as that is how others had generally reacted in the past when I would do something for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the nature of energy as polarity where when someone does not react in the expected way by showing appreciation, I then go into the opposite reaction where instead of having a positive reaction within myself, I have a negative reaction as for example disappointment, confusion, frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from appreciation by trying to get it from other people instead of expressing appreciation as myself for myself.

I commit myself to realize how accepting and allowing the relationship of existing and living for other’s appreciation is self sabotage that keeps me from living as and for myself, but a slave to addiction and dependence on energy to manipulate myself to experience myself in a certain way.

I commit myself to consider what self appreciation in fact means, as being comfortable and accepting of who I am within myself and my living, where my starting point is myself and not dependent on other human beings to give me a part of myself which is already in myself I just require to live it as myself.

I commit myself to live as self appreciation for myself, and not separating myself from appreciation in trying to get it from others, which leads me to using and gearing my behavior toward manipulating others to give me the desired reaction as appreciation.

I commit myself to stopping reactions within myself toward how another reacts to what I do, within this bringing my expression back to myself so that I am expressing myself as myself, not as and for the purpose of generating energy as an energetic experience within myself, but for and as myself as that is the key to real actual satisfaction and appreciation, where I appreciate what I do and am not existing as and wasting my life away within wishing, hoping, wanting, needing, desiring, others to show appreciation.

I commit myself to within my process of self investigation and self transformation, seeing where in my life am I wanting or expecting others to appreciate me and transform that behavior and living into self appreciation, to no longer separate myself from appreciation where I am always existing in the desire for appreciation because I am not giving it to myself, but to live it as myself so that I cannot then  actually ever be without it as it is a part of me as me as my expression as my living.