Day 89: The “I’m So Disappointed” Character

You know that feeling/experience of disappointment, like ‘ugh’, when something doesn’t go as you’d hoped/expected. And your shoulders sink down, and you become all ‘mopey’ and ‘sullen’, where your face kind of droops and you slouch, and you suddenly feel tired, and frustrated, like you’ve lost something that you had expected you were going to get, or that you had really wanted, or been looking forward to. Yes, that’s the Disappointment Character.

Activated by a single thought, where you picture how things ‘should’ have gone, or you wanted them to go, according to your hopes/expectations, and where you see that as ‘positive’, and then you compare that to what has actually transpired in reality, which is not what you’d expected, and so that becomes ‘negative’ and from these negative/positive associations, we determine how we’re going to feel inside, as negative or positive. In the case of the Disappointment Character, you have decided to feel negative about what has happened/taken place in reality. And this was done by comparing reality, to a picture in your mind.

So from one picture, flashing in your mind, has suddenly determined your entire experience of yourself, and has initiated a complete ‘take-over’, as you literally become this character of Disappointment, in its entirety, where now every thought/feeling/emotion/action you take/words you speak, is from within/as this ‘character of Disappointment’. So, in the moment that the picture flashed in our mind of what we would have liked/expected to happen and we saw ourselves experiencing ourself positively within that picture, and then we compared that picture to reality and since reality wasn’t as we’d wanted/expected, we decided that we must experience ourself negatively then, as now we’re ‘missing out’ on the positive experience we ‘would’ve had’, if things had gone how we’d wanted/expected. 

As the disappointment character, we become/experience feeling depressed and withdraw from the world/our reality, withdraw our participation, as we sink into the experience of this character, as if now we want to avoid reality and the negative experience ‘it’s causing’ within us, yet not realizing that we’re actually the one creating the negative experience within ourself. When faced with a reality that didn’t meet our expectations, it’s like we go into a reaction of ‘I didn’t get what I want’, which was to experience ourself positively, and then go into the reaction of feeling down and depressed, and since we’re actually the one creating/accepting/allowing/giving permission to this experience of negativity within ourself, we’re actually the one that’s manifesting exactly what it is we didn’t want – a negative experience. 

Within this character, one will participate in various backchat, like ‘I really wanted such-n-such’ / ‘I was really hoping for this/that’ / ‘this is such a let-down’ / ‘I’m so disappointed’ / ‘why did things have to happen this way?’ / ‘why couldn’t things have gone how I wanted?’ / ‘if only things could have gone like this/that’, where through these internal backchat conversations, we’re literally talking ourself into the experience of/relating to this character.

Thus participating in the character of Disappointment is actually deliberate self manipulation, where we inflict such an experience on ourselves, while disregarding the consequences to our physical, and to our very lives, as we’re literally programming ourselves with habits/behaviors of self limitation, programming it into the very physical as who we are, and how we’ll experience ourself over and over again, any time we’re faced with the situation where reality hasn’t gone according to our wants/desires/expectations. Thus, all we’re doing is developing reactions with ourself towards such scenario, which is in no way practical or assisting us in living our lives in a beneficial way. In the post to come, I’ll continue with the deconstruction of this character through walking Self Forgiveness on the Disappointment Character.

We can actually use this disappointment character to assist and support ourselves to see exactly where/to what we’ve ‘given permission’ to things/situations/events outside of ourself to determine how we’ll experience ourself, and thus through self forgiveness and practical application, assist and support ourselves by to no longer participate in the character of Disappointment, by looking at what was it that we wanted/were expecting that we thought would make ourself experience ourself positively, to see where we’ve separated ourself from ourself, in where we’ve allowed certain events/situations to determine how we’re going to experience ourself, instead of standing stable within ourself, constant as who we are, able/free to express ourself as who we really are in any moment, in any situation/event. So through one’s process of deconstructing this character, you can take back your self direction to no longer be controlled/directed by what happens/what doesn’t happen in your reality. More to come in the post to follow..