Day 139: The ‘I Don’t Want To Do This’ Character

Featured Artwork by Matti Destonian Freeman

Now the next character I’ll be taking on is one that is quite a prominent one in terms of how I’ve existed throughout my life and one through which I’ve extremely limited myself and my living in this world. As all characters revolve around the starting point of self interest, since we created them in moments where we felt our self interest was threatened, this one is no different, and centers around the point of ‘what I want to do’ vs. ‘what I don’t want to do’.

This point was also touched on in previous blog posts while walking the ‘Validation Character’, as that character/personality was formed around that same starting point, of ‘I don’t want to do this’, wherein I ‘didn’t want to’ be in a situation that wasn’t defined as ‘what I like to do’, based on my memories and experience of myself when I was a child, where life was pretty carefree and without responsibilities, so that when I eventually faced responsibility in my life, there was a clash with how I was used to experiencing myself and the things I was used to doing and the relative ‘freedom’ I had as a child.

So I had formed that relationship toward responsibility in my childhood, and basically continued living that pattern throughout my life even until now, where I see what’s here to be done as what ‘I don’t want to do’. Within this, creating an entire character/personality in which I experience specific thoughts, imagination, backchat, reactions, physical conditions, fears, and consequences, all of which I’ll be taking a look at through the application of self investigation through writing, so that I can see exactly how it is that I participate in this character/personality in each and every dimension, to then assist and support myself to stand up and take self-direction to no longer accept and allow myself to live as this character, through which I extensively limit myself and my participation in this reality, and within this I not only cause consequence in my life but in all of reality as my participation as who and what and how I live here, has a direct impact here. As, this reality as how it exists is determined by who/what/how each and every single individual is accepting and allowing oneself to exist as.

So, I’m going to walk through this character in relation to the point of ‘work’, utilizing the example of when the ‘I Don’t Want to Do This’ Character comes up/activates in relation to one’s work. As this the primary point where I’m facing this character currently, where I am getting to see first-hand just how limiting it is, and how I sabotage myself and my participation here and thus my real living here, by giving into and living as this character. Where, I’ll actually sabotage myself in what it is that I’m doing because I have decided within myself that it’s ‘NOT what I WANT to do’, without every actually considering where this ‘not wanting to do this’ comes from, when did I decide this and what is the consequence of living that decision in my life and the world at large? Who or what is that decision really serving? And within this, realizing that if I’m not even aware of how I formed this decision then it was not a decision I made in self awareness as a self-willed movement as what is best for life in the context of what is here.

Thus in the posts to follow I’ll be walking through the specific dimensions of the character/personality of ‘I Don’t Want to Do This’, beginning with the Thought Dimension.
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