Day 149: I Don’t Want to Do This: Reaction Dimension (Part 2)



Featured Artwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

This post is a continuation to:


Here we’ll continue with the Self Forgiveness statements for the Energy-Relationships as Reactions I’ve formed in relation to the Thought, Imagination and Backchat Dimensions.

Thought Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as the Thought as the image that came up in my mind of me ‘not enjoying myself’/’having a negative experience’ at work, and within this to go into a negative energy-experience of ‘Dread’, where I then become this energy-experience of ‘Dread’ within dreading the hours of work to come, and within this to not see, realize and understand how I’ve formed an energy-relationship toward the initial thought connecting such thought to the experience/emotion/reaction of ‘dread’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how by following this single thought I initiate an energy experience within my mind as the emotion/reaction of ‘dread’, as a negative energy-experience in order to direct myself with negative energy from taking care of/facing my responsibilities here, within this, taking for granted that this energy-experience is in fact ‘who I am’ simply because it is here and I am experiencing, and not questioning where this energy-experience came from or seeing and realizing that this energy experience is not real in fact and is only energy created and activated within my mind, and not actually here in the physical.

Imagination Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as the imagination where I imagine scenarios of what ‘I’d rather be doing’ instead of working, as for example being at home, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an energy-relationship of the feeling of ‘Comfort’ toward imagining being at home and not working, within this allowing an energy-experience to direct me in the moment and thus take me away from the moment and applying myself here within doing my job.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the energy-experience that I experience as real, where I believe what the mind is ‘showing me’ in that if I wasn’t working or was at home I would experience myself as ‘comfortable’, within this not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am the one that create that experience of ‘comfort’ actually, thus showing me that I have separated myself from ‘comfort’ wherein I am only living ‘comfort’ as an energetic experience that I can only experience within certain situations, like when not working and being at home, instead of considering that I could live comfort as myself, within whatever it is that I am doing, as long as it is not obviously compromising/harming me in a real physical way, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what the mind is showing me as that I must be not working or be at home to experience comfort, that I can’t apparently live it as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’ve manipulated myself within becoming my imagination and the energy-experience of ‘comfort’ that comes up in relation to imagining not working, and within this sabotaging my effectiveness within the world, within doing my job effectively and providing myself with an effective income, and in pushing myself to see how I can expand within my world and reality, within this not seeing how I am accepting limitation by living as the energy-experience of ‘comfort’ toward not working/being at home, where if I follow this energy-experience it lead to me not expanding myself but remaining the same and not changing and exploring what is my real potential and what is possible for me to do here in reality.

Backchat Energy-Relationship Self Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go even further into the possession of the I Don’t Want to Do This Character toward working, by continuing from the Imagination Dimension and going on into the Backchat Dimension, where I then go into an internal conversation toward the scenes that paly out within my mind within my Imagination, not realizing that by speaking these words within me I am further validating/substantiating myself as this character/personality as the thoughts, imagination and reactions that came up within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an energy-relationship toward the backchat “Man I really don’t want to do this” / “I am not going to enjoy this” / “This is not going to go well”, where I then experience the negative energy experience of ‘Anxiety’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an energy-relationship toward the backchat “I wish I could be doing something else” / “It’s going to be so long before I’m finished” / “I wish I could be doing something else” / “It’s going to be so long before I’m finished”, where I experience the negative energy-experience of ‘Depression’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an energy-relationship toward the backchat “I would be so much more comfortable if I was at home right now” / “I’d be so relieved to be able to stop working now for the day” / “I really can’t wait to be done working” / “I’ll finally be able to enjoy myself once I’m done working” / “It’d be so nice to just sit down and relax”, toward which I experience the positive energy-experience of ‘Relaxation’, within this not realizing that I am not living this experience of ‘relaxation’ as an expression of myself, but that it is coming up as an experience toward the images and backchat within my mind, and thus not a real actual expression of myself as me simply being here ‘relaxing’, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to even question/realize how is it that I am now experiencing ‘relaxation’ because of the images/backchat that has just come up within my mind, and it wasn’t because I actually decided in self awareness, ‘I am going to express myself as relaxation/being relaxed with now, and thus how this indicates that I am in fact mind controlled and not self-directed self-willed individual if my experience within myself change due to what is just popping up within my mind seemingly from nowhere.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I have actually accepted and allowed these energy-experiences within me, and thus I am actually the cause of these energy experiences, which means that I can stand up as the directive principle in stopping and no longer participating in energy-experiences within/toward such/similar backchat, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energy-experiences as reactions to thoughts, imagination and backchat that comes up within me, and not even question if I really am these thoughts, imagination, backchat and reactions and why it is these experiences are going on inside of me and I am not just stable here as myself as the physical.

In the next post, we’ll continue with the Commitment Statements in relation the points walked here in Self Forgiveness, wherein I’ll walk through the corrections as to how I will walk myself through and out of this character, to stand here as myself, stable, and in particular be able to really apply myself in my job/work, and no longer be directed by the Energy-Relationships I’ve formed within this character/personality.
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