Day 185: WHY ME - Drunk on the Whine of Imagination

In this blog post we are now continuing from this previous post: Day 183: Everything that Happens to Me is Another Excuse to Feel Bad, in which I have started to open up the point of taking what’s going on in my reality, events that are taking place or that happen throughout the day, which I would define as negative, and take it personally in a ‘why me’ victim type character. And I formed such a habit, such an addiction to this character, that I still live it to this day, and that is why I am here blogging about it – to assist and support myself to stop this pattern, through walking myself through it, point by point, within specific detail, in order to identify the pattern so that I can recognize it when it is happening and what it is that triggers it, to give myself the opportunity and ability to stop what has essentially become an automated process, to the extent where I would act on it immediately in a situation when a particular trigger arise.

The problem with living as this pattern of participating in the mind within making myself a victim to everything within my imagination, where I imagine that everything else s to blame for how I experience myself, is that I manifest all kinds of consequence for myself that just isn’t necessary at all. I mean, why would I want to create consequence for myself to go through if I really don’t have to? It doesn’t make any sense, it has just become an automated habit, that I do because it’s become what I’m used to/addicted to as I’ve what I’ve accepted is ‘normal’.

The effects are really not pleasant, there is depression and getting upset/overwhelmed with emotions, which is a really draining experience, and takes quite a toll on the physical, is a big waste of time – why do I want to spend the breaths that I have here in this life, within a self-created shit-storm of emotions and feelings, when I could simply be here, stable as myself and really get to know myself as this actual reality that is here, no longer caught up in an imaginary reality in my mind – and it interferes with my relationships, as I go into blame and reaction instead of just being here with another person and not creating any drama. Do I really want to be ‘unwittingly’ acting out a role in a Drama as the Star in my own Play, where I ‘play out’ the patterns in my mind, over and over again?

No way.

How can I enjoy myself or myself with another being, when I am possessed within an experience in my mind? When I am in this character I am definitely am not enjoying myself. It is quite a disempowering experience, as I am literally disempowering myself by giving my ‘power’ away to thoughts/feelings/emotions/my mind, in essentially saying ‘go ahead, you take over and direct me now’ within just the simple acceptance of myself as being what comes up in my mind as an experience of myself. And instead of living, I become an observer of my own life, and then a reaction to that observation, and so am not really here living, I’m just a reaction to an observation – how limited.

The Solution to this problem is the application of a process of self forgiveness and commitment to self correction, as has been discussed in previous blogs, where one utilize writing (or typing) as a tool for self change, through self investigation, as within one’s writing, one can see who one is, as the words one live, find the patterns self exist/live as that are not supportive, and to rescript oneself into corrective application, to assist and support self to actually change one’s living. Thus, I’ll be walking this series of posts on this topic of this ‘why me’ VICTIM Character, in between walking the series on WAR which began in the previous post.

Essentially the essence of e Victim character is to immediately utilize any excuse/reason/justification to go into a point of limitation, placing myself as a victim to my world/reality, really anything, instead of what in common sense would be much more worthwhile would be to always look how I can take responsibility, within this always looking at/considering in any given situation, what ability do I have to respond – ultimately expanding oneself at every opportunity.

Which brings us to the Rewards of no longer existing as this pattern. I mean, why stop this pattern? It is so easy to continue living as it, as it’s what I’ve gotten used to, and thus to stop it is not going to feel ‘normal’ or ‘natural’, in fact it is going to go exactly against what I feel comfortable with, what I even believe/think/perceive I am capable of, as this is how I’ve always existed practically my whole life since when I was a child in the first seven years.

From that perspective it’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to ‘feel good’, and thus how/why so many are trapped within the ‘only do what feels good trap’ to never take the opportunities where one might actually expand oneself into real living here, because one deliberately ignore what is uncomfortable. But like anyone who has struggled at something new, to eventually become good at it, can realize that new things are not easy in the beginning, as one has to push oneself beyond what one is already capable of, for example, with physical activities, one is going to be sore as one develop one’s muscles to perform certain tasks and maneuvers that one hasn’t done before.
Thus the key is to not stop at the point of discomfort, but to push through, realizing that it is the indication for a point of self change and self expansion, through self willed self application to breathe and move through any resistance.

Thus in terms of this Victim Character, what one essentially stands to gain, is literally life itself as actual real living to one’s full potential, through no longer accepting and becoming limitation. Within this, you will constantly be expanding your abilities in this world to constantly be able to do more and go beyond what you could before.

As we go further into specifics of this Character of Victimhood in posts to come, we’ll uncover in more specificity the nature and design of this character, to better recognize the pattern of behavior and how it activates and takes-over within a process of mind participation within thoughts, imagination, backchat, emotions, and feelings, where one completely and totally limit oneself, instead of recognizing an opportunity to develop self as self will, self expression and becoming more than one ever thought possible.

To be continued..

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