Day 32 – Daydreaming My Life Away Seemed So Sweet

For context listen to the interview LifeReview – The Daydreaming Zombie

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to daydream my life away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I’d rather spend my time in a fantasy in my mind than to be here in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my reality as disappointing and thus give in to the temptation to daydream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I turned to daydreaming as an attempt to ‘escape’ from my world and reality that I was disappointed with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so entertained by playing with various scenarios within my mind that I started to do it more and more until It became like second-nature and I would do it practically all the time, without even really being aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I developed the habit of daydreaming to such an extent that I haven’t even been aware of just how frequently I participate in imagination and daydreaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use going into my mind as a way to ‘cope’ with the experiences I have in my reality and interactions with people that don’t go how I’d like, and thus I play out in my mind what I would have liked to have happen or would like to have done or said to other beings in certain scenarios. Like for example when you are at work and you can’t just say what you’d like or you’ll be fired, so I’d rather go into my mind and say what I would have liked to say, and knowing that what you do within your mind there is ‘no consequence’ in the physical reality as there would be if you actually said those things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself using daydreaming by imagining variations of how I would act as a way to ‘feel better’ when a situation doesn’t go how I’d like, where I then play the scenario out in my mind as to how I would have liked it to go, and then in a way I get to ‘feel like’ I got to have it my way, at least in my mind, when though it wasn’t real and my actual reality has in no way whatsoever changed or been corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my reality and my world as my relationships with others, within instead of taking action in reality to correct my relationships and how I act/react in the situations that come up in my world, ‘correcting’ it instead in my mind in a made-up fantasy illusion, to give myself a ‘feeling’ of correction and ‘closure’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practically give up on correcting myself and my relationships in reality as I didn’t realize how and  further giving in more and more in daydreaming and where I could have a ‘correct version’ of reality in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the temptation more and more of imagining ‘corrected’ versions of my reality in my mind’s imagination, as no matter what happened in reality I could always ‘make it right’ in my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the temptation to daydreaming as it is ‘so much easier’ than having do actually do something in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to participate in daydreaming instead of being here in reality despite realizing that it never can and never will produce actual results in my world and reality, and that I will always have to ‘come back’ to my world and reality, as I never actually leave it as it’s where I am and I have to come back to take care of my physical needs like requiring to eat and go to the bathroom, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the corrected versions of reality in my mind not realize that I always imagined the scenarios that took place in my actual life in such a way that I am always ‘in the right’ and the other beings are the ones that are wrong or to blame for how the situation went in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in the versions of reality I created in my mind I was not considering the other beings at all, but only myself and what I wanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that if actual reality went the way it did in my mind as everything working out in my favor, that the world would be practically no different than it is now with extensive abuse taking place in the name of self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I could have used my imagination in a supportive way in imagining possibilities as to how I could direct myself and my reality in a way that will manifest a world that’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the more time I spend in my mind creating these scenarios, the more I am accepting that I can’t or won’t take action in the actual reality, accepting myself as limited and accepting my world and reality as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by using daydreaming as a coping mechanism, I was actually using it to assist myself to be able to accept my reality as it is, as it kept me entertained despite my world and reality being basically doing the same thing day in and day out, as is the reality for most people within the current system where we’re accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as wage slaves that work the same repetitive consumerism-based job day after day and use whatever methods of entertainment we can afford to not get ‘bored to death’ – instead of realizing that we can stand up for a new system where we are not enslaved and can actually live life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that spending time in my mind daydreaming in fantasies that I’m not actually experiencing is a waste of my time that I have here where I could be having real experiences and actually living my life, and grow and expand myself to have an impact on this world in changing reality into a reality that I would actually like to be in and not be tempted to ‘escape’ from within my imagination in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the energy it takes to actually be living in two realities, the one in real physical reality and the make-believe reality I created in my mind, and trying to keep them separate so I do not get confused as to what has actually happened in my world and reality, and what was only the fantasy that I created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would be able to have these two worlds and not have the fantasy in my mind affect how I live and act in actual reality, when one result was that I frequently would experience frustration when reality did not match the fantasy in my mind of how I would like my reality to be, and thus by living in these two worlds I was causing myself a lot of inner turmoil and stress that takes its toll on the human physical body, and thus literally killing my body, which gives me the ability to live and exist here in the physical real reality, which when I die I will no longer be able to participate in either reality, the real or imagined, as I’ll no longer have a mind consciousness system infused within and utilizing the resources of a human physical body in which to even have an imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through my life as a virtual zombie, where I just walked through my daily reality, not really here, but always entertaining myself in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the more I accepted myself as not able to really be or do anything in my reality and just went into my mind into fantasies instead, the more I was actually creating that as a reality as I was not developing an effective relationship with myself and taking the time and effort and assisting myself to do or become more, but simply accepting myself as more and more diminished and incapable and so that was what I was actually manifesting within that acceptance and allowance of internal conversations that would say things like ‘this is all you’ll ever be/do’, and just accepting that voice and giving in, and seeing fantasy and daydream as the only apparent alternative.

I commit myself to not accepting myself as not able to or not wanting to actually get to know myself here and develop myself in reality so that I can become an effective participant, and really actually live my life and direct myself into a being that stand for what is best for life.

I commit myself to being aware of when I participate or am about to participate in daydreaming in attempting to fabricate a ‘better’ ‘corrected’ version of reality in my mind in order that I can feel like I am in the right when I am disappointed with how something has gone in my reality, and instead remaining here and utilizing such a moment to see how and where I can correct myself and my reality, so that I will not be tempted anymore to avoid it, as I will have expanded myself and my ability to participate in my reality and no longer placing myself as a ‘hapless victim’ to my world and reality with no apparent ability to effectively direct myself and my reality.

I commit myself to stop creating realities in my mind that are in my self interest only, as it is no different than actually living those behaviors in reality from the perspective that what I am supporting to exist in my mind is who I am accepting and allowing myself to be and it will carry through in my words and deeds and so affect my world and reality, as can already be seen by how the human is predominantly existing as and within a starting point of self interest and manifesting a world full of  abuse.

I commit myself to no longer being a Daydreaming Zombie but a being that is fully Here that live and express myself in reality and does not waste time and energy at the expense of my physical human body in mind-illusion fantasies.