Day 58: The ‘It Must Be Spotless!’ Character

I used to get stressed out when I’d see dirtiness around the house. I would go into immediate reaction and blame toward those I was living with, within thoughts and backchat like ‘oh god, why do I have to live with such slobs’, ‘why am I the only one that cleans around here?’, ‘why is it always all on me?’, ‘ why doesn’t anyone else feel the same way I do about this?’, ‘why don’t they understand the value of cleaning?’. 

When seeing things/areas around the house that needed cleaning, I would experience anxiety and depression, and then after I would clean house, and everything was shining and spotless, I felt great, like a relief, like a burden lifted off my shoulders. What I didn’t realize, was that I created that burden that I felt when things looked dirty, by programming myself to have reactions as feelings toward what my reality looked like – ‘dirty’ or ‘clean’. 

Thus I programmed myself to react to a picture that I saw with my eyes, where if it looked a certain way I would feel happy/positive, and if it looked another way I’d experience myself as depressed/negative. One situation I would particularly react to, is when I had just finished cleaning something, and then it gets dirt on it immediately after, and I would go into a ‘oh man, but I just cleaned that! Can’t it stay clean for more than 5 seconds!?’ reaction, and would feel extremely stressed out, and would really go into this anger/rage/frustration feeling, and looking back at it, I can see that I was actually feeding off of that feeling, off of the energy rush I was creating by participating in those thoughts/that experience toward something getting ‘dirty’ immediately after having cleaned it. 

What I wasn’t even realizing, as I was totally caught up in the feeling relationship toward the act of cleaning, was that the practical point of cleaning in this reality, is not to have things look a certain way, but to prevent the accumulation of ‘dirt’ that will interfere with effective functioning in this physical reality. As, when you remove the emotion/feeling reaction experience, what is left? You will not be creating emotional/feeling reactions toward what something looks like, but simply seeing it for what it is. For example, say you’ve just mopped the floor, and then your cat walks in and gets some mud on the floor. What is actually going on? There is some soil on the floor, just after you have cleaned it. Is that a problem? Can the floor always, constantly and continuously be clean? Can you practically keep the floor from getting soil on it in every moment? 

Obviously not, so the floor having soil on it doesn’t matter. It is in fact what happens in this physical reality when you have a floor and the ground outside is made of soil and people and animals walk on it and it sticks to their feet and then they walk on the floor, and the soil gets on the floor. This is what has happened in the physical, and it seems obvious, like, ‘duh, we know that’s what happens’, and yet, we’ll go and create an entire experience around that simple fact of the physical reality. Instead of simply realizing that it doesn’t matter if the floor has or gets soil on it, as that is inevitable and to be expected, and that is in fact why you clean the floor – so that the soil and whatnot that gets on it doesn’t build up a point where it will interfere with the functioning of the floor. Not to create a certain ‘image/picture’ for your mind’s eye as a ‘clean floor’ so that you then experience yourself as happy because for a moment you get to look at a floor with no dirt on it.

These positive and negative feeling experiences that we assign to what we see as pictures of this reality are so accepted as a part of ourselves, that we don’t even realize what we’re doing, that we’re creating an entire experience within our mind toward what is here, and that the only result/purpose of these feeling experiences is to generate energy within our body through the mind consciousness system, which uses the resources of the body to generate the energetic experiences we feel toward what is here. And thus when we live as these energetic experiences, we’re only existing to feed the mind with energy, and as we’re busy in the mind, we’re missing reality here, and separating ourself from the simple practical common sense of how this reality operate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in generating emotion and feeling experience toward what is here, instead of sticking to the common sense practicality of the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the picture of my reality as defined as ‘dirty’/’clean’ to justify creating entire experiences within myself, and manipulating myself into positive and negative energetic experiences at the expense of my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I as I was creating an entire experience within myself, I was missing the common sense practicality that is here, as how to live and function effectively in this reality, and thus in no position to project blame onto others, as I was not living the example as myself of how to live effectively in physical reality, but was participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions which distort one’s perception of reality, and thus as I was blaming others, I was really blaming myself.

I commit myself to stop all participation in generating emotional and feeling experiences toward what is here, and to stick to the common sense practicality of the physical reality.

I commit myself to investigating and finding every way I have allowed/programmed myself to use pictures of my reality to justify creating feeling/emotion experiences within myself, within the realization that the generation of these energetic experiences happens at the expense of my physical body which becomes depleted and imbalanced due to the consumption of resources to generate energy.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself through energetic experiences, within this attempting to manipulate my reality, as trying to make it look a certain way, in order to have a certain experience within myself, when I am actually the one creating the experience, not the picture that I see.

I commit myself to stick to common sense practicality here so that I serve as an effective example of common sense practical living, and to stop all participation in blaming others, as I am only blaming myself, and thus I rather become the living example that assist and support all others as myself to live effectively and not give oneself away to thoughts, feelings and emotions within/as one’s mind consciousness system, so that one can be actually here, and actually living in reality, and not in one’s mind.  

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