I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make perfect meals within the belief that this would validate me as a person and prove that I am ‘good at something’ and that then I must have some ‘worth’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the idea that making ‘perfect meals’ would validate me as a human being, came from stories, cartoons, books, tv, the examples of adults around me, where within stories the woman was often portrayed as being liked/respected if they were a good cook, and that it was a woman’s duty to cook the meals, and that she would be treated nicely as a reward for performing well her duty of preparing meals for herself, and her family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I formed this character based on memories of experiences of my mother cooking, and her relationship to cooking, wherein she wanted to be seen as a good cook, and judged herself for her cooking, and she took it on as her responsibility as the wife/female according to the cultural/societal programming that it is the wife’s/females duty to cook the meals for the family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this character is simply a conglomeration of ideas ,images, information, memories, feelings/emotions, beliefs, and judgments, wherein I am trying/attempting to live according to/as those ideas, images, information, memories, feelings/emotions, beliefs, and judgments, in separation of/from myself and from reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in living this character I separated myself from myself and from reality, within trying to live as an idea, which is not based on/relevant to reality, as even what I considered/judged as ‘good meals’ was also based on ideas, memories, pictures, largely influenced by what my mother/relatives/other adults in my life cooked and what I read/saw in books, movies, tv like for example an example such as Martha Stewart who represented/portrayed the character of the ‘good/perfect cook’ on her tv show, and other forms of media, and what I learned about in school, and thus not in actual consideration/understanding of proper dietary nutrition that supports the human physical body- but was only based on ideas in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the very ideas/images of foods and what a ‘good meal’ is, is largely based in consumerism, as there is extensive brainwashing/advertising done to promote certain foods by the food industries in order to ensure they have consumers for their products and so can make a profit, and thus the starting point is profit and not what is most supportive to life. Watch Century of the Self to understand how this was done to program desires into the human that go against what the human actually needs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the dietary habits we participate in become programmed into the physical and thus literally we become programmed according to what we eat, as our body must utilize what we put in and maintain it’s a state of balance and effectiveness, regardless whether what we put in it is what it requires/what supports it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the dietary habits we participate in from a young age while our body is still in a formative stage, the body becomes programmed according to what is put in and thus we are programming our body to become dependent on things which are not supportive to it and thus manifesting consequence that can last throughout one’s life, for example in cases where one’s lifestyle and diet leads to the condition of diabetes. For perspectives on diabetes here are some posts from Paul’s Journey to Life:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being able to ‘cook perfect meals’ will make me more attractive as a candidate for marriage, and thus I was not approaching cooking and food/diet from the starting point of what is most supportive to the human physical body, but from the starting point of self interest and manipulation, wherein I sought to use cooking as a way to fulfill my mind’s desires for relationship. And thus, within this I abused my physical by not taking it into consideration, and instead imposing the mind’s desires on my body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that it is my body that requires to eat, and thus the starting point in eating should be as fuel for the body, and not feeding desires of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel validated and experience myself positively when I have received compliments on meals I’ve made, within this playing a superiority/inferiority game within myself where I feel superior because I am ‘a good cook’, which is really because I have judged ‘not being able to cook’ as inferior, and thus within this I turned cooking into a polarity/energy competition, wherein I wanted to ‘win’ and not ‘fail’, instead of simply being here as me, as cooking, and exploring cooking/eating/diet, in context of myself as a physical being that requires to eat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that by making cooking a competition within myself as the battle/war/competition I was playing out in my mind, that my body as the literal battlefield, and the soldiers on the battlefield, that was the ones actually experiencing and going through the war I was putting it through.
I commit myself to stop the competition in my mind wherein I want to ‘win’ as feeling validated and successful by living as the character of the ‘good cook’ and where I feel like a ‘loser’ when I fail to live as the character of the ‘good cook’.
I commit myself to stop participation in the character of the ‘good cook’, to live cooking/food preparation from a practical perspective, not according to pictures and ideas of what a good meal is, that is based on consumerism, and not what the human body actually requires.
I commit myself to actually consider diet/food in terms of what is actually supportive to the physical body as the fuel that it requires to function properly.
I commit myself to realizing that living as a character in no can actually ‘validate’ who I am, as it is only a character and not myself in fact, thus it is myself that must live a valid life, wherein I ensure that who I am and what I live as is actually valid in this existence, which would be to live in consideration of life and what is best for life in and as this physical existence.