I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to desire to make perfect meals within the belief that this
would validate me as a person and prove that I am ‘good at something’ and that
then I must have some ‘worth’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that the idea that making ‘perfect meals’ would
validate me as a human being, came from stories, cartoons, books, tv, the
examples of adults around me, where within stories the woman was often
portrayed as being liked/respected if they were a good cook, and that it was a
woman’s duty to cook the meals, and that she would be treated nicely as a
reward for performing well her duty of preparing meals for herself, and her
family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that I formed this character based on memories of
experiences of my mother cooking, and her relationship to cooking, wherein she
wanted to be seen as a good cook, and judged herself for her cooking, and she
took it on as her responsibility as the wife/female according to the
cultural/societal programming that it is the wife’s/females duty to cook the
meals for the family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that this character is simply a conglomeration of
ideas ,images, information, memories, feelings/emotions, beliefs, and
judgments, wherein I am trying/attempting to live according to/as those ideas,
images, information, memories, feelings/emotions, beliefs, and judgments, in
separation of/from myself and from reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that in living this character I separated myself
from myself and from reality, within trying to live as an idea, which is not
based on/relevant to reality, as even what I considered/judged as ‘good meals’
was also based on ideas, memories, pictures, largely influenced by what my
mother/relatives/other adults in my life cooked and what I read/saw in books, movies,
tv like for example an example such as Martha Stewart who represented/portrayed
the character of the ‘good/perfect cook’ on her tv show, and other forms of
media, and what I learned about in school, and thus not in actual
consideration/understanding of proper dietary nutrition that supports the human
physical body- but was only based on ideas in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that the very ideas/images of foods and what a
‘good meal’ is, is largely based in consumerism, as there is extensive
brainwashing/advertising done to promote certain foods by the food industries
in order to ensure they have consumers for their products and so can make a
profit, and thus the starting point is profit and not what is most supportive
to life. Watch Century of the Self to understand how this was done to program
desires into the human that go against what the human actually needs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that the dietary habits we participate in become
programmed into the physical and thus literally we become programmed according
to what we eat, as our body must utilize what we put in and maintain it’s a state
of balance and effectiveness, regardless whether what we put in it is what it
requires/what supports it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not consider that the dietary habits we participate in from a
young age while our body is still in a formative stage, the body becomes
programmed according to what is put in and thus we are programming our body to
become dependent on things which are not supportive to it and thus manifesting
consequence that can last throughout one’s life, for example in cases where
one’s lifestyle and diet leads to the condition of diabetes. For perspectives
on diabetes here are some posts from Paul’s Journey to Life:
Day 74 - Carbohydrates
Day 75 - Making and Staying on Routine In regards to Diabetes
Day 76 - Fear of Being High (It's not what you think)
Day 77 - Going Low
Day 78 - Going Low pt 2 Attention Being Brought to Going Low
Day 79 - Going Low pt 3 - Candy and Fake Lows
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to believe that being able to ‘cook perfect meals’ will make me
more attractive as a candidate for marriage, and thus I was not approaching
cooking and food/diet from the starting point of what is most supportive to the
human physical body, but from the starting point of self interest and
manipulation, wherein I sought to use cooking as a way to fulfill my mind’s
desires for relationship. And thus, within this I abused my physical by not
taking it into consideration, and instead imposing the mind’s desires on my
body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not consider that it is my body that requires to eat, and
thus the starting point in eating should be as fuel for the body, and not
feeding desires of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to feel validated and experience myself positively when I have received
compliments on meals I’ve made, within this playing a superiority/inferiority
game within myself where I feel superior because I am ‘a good cook’, which is
really because I have judged ‘not being able to cook’ as inferior, and thus
within this I turned cooking into a polarity/energy competition, wherein I
wanted to ‘win’ and not ‘fail’, instead of simply being here as me, as cooking,
and exploring cooking/eating/diet, in context of myself as a physical being
that requires to eat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not consider that by making cooking a competition within
myself as the battle/war/competition I was playing out in my mind, that my body
as the literal battlefield, and the soldiers on the battlefield, that was the
ones actually experiencing and going through the war I was putting it through.
I commit myself to stop the competition in
my mind wherein I want to ‘win’ as feeling validated and successful by living
as the character of the ‘good cook’ and where I feel like a ‘loser’ when I fail
to live as the character of the ‘good cook’.
I commit myself to stop participation in
the character of the ‘good cook’, to live cooking/food preparation from a
practical perspective, not according to pictures and ideas of what a good meal
is, that is based on consumerism, and not what the human body actually
requires.
I commit myself to actually consider
diet/food in terms of what is actually supportive to the physical body as the
fuel that it requires to function properly.
I commit myself to realizing that living as
a character in no can actually ‘validate’ who I am, as it is only a character
and not myself in fact, thus it is myself that must live a valid life, wherein
I ensure that who I am and what I live as is actually valid in this existence,
which would be to live in consideration of life and what is best for life in and
as this physical existence.
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