Day 48 - Living as Character = Self Sabotage



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that me living as a character, indicates that I am living in and as self judgment, as I am stating/have decided that I do not like who I am, and thus have created a fictional character that I can try to be and cover up who I really am with, in order to not face/see who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I always see/know who I really am, as I am always here and I am creating myself, and thus I can only pretend to myself that I do not see who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as who I am here, and thus wanting to hide who I really am from myself, within trying/attempting to live as a made-up character, in order to avoid facing who I really am, because I judge who I really am, and thus I am fearing and hiding from my own judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not want to face who I really am here, because I judge myself, and thus I am creating my own fear of facing myself by participating in judging myself for who/what I am/live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the obvious solution - to stop judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that if I stop judging myself, then I can get busy changing/correcting myself where I require correction within what I am able to change, and stop sabotaging and abusing myself through creating an experience within myself toward that which I cannot change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I used self judgment as a way of not changing, wherein I allowed myself to just ‘feel bad’ about some aspect of myself, so that I could say ‘at least I am ‘doing’ something’ by feeling bad as judging myself, when obviously judging myself and feeling bad about it is not really actually ‘doing anything’ to change myself/my situation, and thus through this self deception I simply sabotaged and abused myself and my physical body, through participating in experiences and feelings as a result of my participation in self judgment, and making en excuse to stay as I am and not change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by participating in a character I am actually trapping myself within it, because I’m not then getting to know myself so I can see/understand/realize how I’ve created myself, to stand equal to my creation as who/what I’ve become, to then have the ability to create myself in self awareness, but instead not focusing on myself at all, but focusing on creating/generating this fake illusory character, and putting my time and effort into building this character, and my belief of this character, and designing my words and actions as to how I think someone of this particular character will speak, move, look, act, dress, walk, etc.

I commit myself to realizing that self judgment is a trap which when I participate in it I do not want to face that which I judge, and since I am judging that aspect of myself rather than correcting it, I will then rather create a character in which I can ‘feel like’ I am who/how I’d like to be, instead of actually walking the correction and change and creation of myself of/as who I’d like to be.

I commit myself to giving myself the gift of crating myself in awareness as a being that does not allow self abuse or any form of abuse, by stopping all judgment, and stopping all characters, so that I am actually faced with who I am and what I am living as, and through my process of self investigation, self realization and self expansion, through self writing and self forgiveness and commitment to correction, be and become the being that I have always wanted to be in self honesty, which is a being that stands for life within the realization that all life here is me.

I commit myself to investigating myself and becoming aware of every character that I have created and lived as, to deconstruct each and every character, so that I can live as an actual real being here, not an illusion in my mind that I seek to have others validate as real.

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