Humanity's Journey to Life: September 2012

Day 108: Waiting to Value Myself

A pattern I’ve noticed myself playing out is one in which I am waiting for others to value me. Where, when I meet someone for the first time, I will wait within myself for some sort of initial reaction the person will have toward me, what they say, how they say it, how they move, how they look at me, if they pull a face, and from this will decide whether it seems like the person likes and respects me, or doesn’t like and respect me, and from here form an entire expectation of how this person is going to treat me, and how our interaction is going to go, whether it is going to be a ‘positive’ interaction, or not.

So what happens is I go into an observer mode where I’m busy observing the other person and how they are acting toward me, and then within this, taking my observations of how they act and forming ideas of what they must think of me, whether or not they like me, or will be nice/rude to me, basically taking everything they do/express personally as if it is a reaction to/toward me / something I’ve done/said /toward what I look like, etc. There is a really great interview on Eqafe that describes in detail this point very well – the point of taking things personally. Listen if you haven’t already, you can get it here: Life Review - The 'Taking this Personally' Victim

So from this initial ‘reaction to me’, which is rather my initial observation of the other person and what they’re doing, I take the observations personally, when I have actually in fact no idea why the person is acting the way they are and if it has anything to do with me at all. And even if they are reacting ‘toward me’, it still has nothing to do with me really, but they are reacting toward what I represent to them within their mind’s eye. This becomes clear when one observes one’s own reactions, one will find that it’s always a reaction that originates from oneself, from one’s own mind of preprogrammed automated reactions to/toward things in one’s reality/environment that one has accepted a judgment toward within oneself, and the person you’re reacting toward, was only the trigger point as they represented something to you that your mind has stored a certain reaction/response toward that you will then go into when you encounter someone that trigger that response. And thus a reaction is never actually ‘personal’, as it’s always based in an individual’s mind as the relationships of energy as judgment that one has formed and stored in one’s mind toward that which is here as the various forms/manifestations/scenarios/situations/events/people that exist.

So within this pattern/character, I ‘wait’ for the other to apparently decide if they’re going to like me or not, or to see how they’re going to react/act toward me, if they’re going to see me as ‘worthy’ of respect, and so within all this, what I’ve done is separate myself from ‘worth’ ‘respect’ ‘value’, where I'm waiting for another to value me, and what I’m actually saying is that I don’t value myself. That I see myself as not having value or worth in the first place, and that I must wait for another to act in such a way as I perceive that they value me, and all I can do is ‘hope’ they will like/value/respect me.

In the post to come we’ll take a look at the various Dimensions of the Waiting for Validation character, and how it is I’ve separated myself from ‘worth’ ‘value’ and ‘respect’, that I believe I can find it in another and can’t live it for myself. Suggest for context on Character Dimensions to read the following Heaven’s Journey to Life blog posts:

Character Dimensions - Introduction: DAY 162
Character Dimensions – Practical Application (Part 1): DAY 163
Character Dimensions – THOUGHT Dimension: DAY 164
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 1): DAY 165
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 1): DAY 167

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 2): DAY 168
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Day 107: Blame Character – Commitment Statements

I commit myself to assist and support me to, when and as I see myself waiting to stop blame within the belief that I don’t have a choice to stop blaming, to stop participation in the belief, as I realize that I do have a choice as I am the one that has made the choice to participate in blame in the first place, and thus the only thing I am waiting for is myself, to stop participation in blame for any reason/justification/excuse.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself believing that I cannot stop blaming another/that I must blame them/that it makes sense to blame them because of the circumstances, stop and breathe, and remind myself that I am using the circumstances as the excuse/justification/reason to participate in and go into a reaction of blame and that I am actually the one deciding to go into a reaction of blame as it’s the pattern of behavior I’ve established within myself in response to certain circumstances/situations, and so I walk myself out of that pattern of behavior by becoming the directive principle in each and every moment in no longer justifying blame as being caused by something outside/separate from myself, taking self responsibility and stopping the pattern.

I commit myself to walking through this character of blame and all its dimensions to assist and support myself to stop participation in and existing as this character, to no longer allow myself to go into a reaction of blame towards another, and forming a relationship toward them in separation, so I can rather stand as stability equal and one with the physical here, and open up the opportunity to understand what was actually going on in the circumstances and understand the other being, and not be directed and controlled by a reaction which only leads to consequence that is of no benefit.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting blame as a ‘normal’ experience/reaction to be in/as, stop and breathe, remind myself that any reaction that comes up within me is not self directed, and thus to be investigated and not participated in as it is a pattern in separation of myself that I have not created in awareness.

I commit myself to showing and exposing the consequences of blame and how it is a massive part of the problem that keeps us from investigating ourselves and correcting our own individual natures because we’re instead busy pointing a finger at another.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I see myself going into the fear that another is doing something deliberately to harm/spite/take advantage of me, stop and breathe, as I realize that it is only a fear and that that fear is not real and that I do not in fact actually know what was actually going on or why another acted in the way they did, and so open up the opportunity to actually find out what went on in reality, instead of going into a reaction of taking it personally and within doing so, separating myself completely from reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see a thought come up in my mind as how things ‘would have gone’ if that person hadn’t done what they did or had acted in some other way, stop, breathe, and do not allow myself to believe in the picture that I see in my mind, as I realize it’s simply a picture in my mind, that would be the trigger to activate the character of blame to take-over, and take me into the possession of living/existing as the character of blame.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself about to play/playing out scenes in my imagination, to stop, breathe, bring myself to back here and stabilize myself in reality, and not go into my mind as my imagination into imagining scenarios where I see the other person as spiting me deliberately, as I realize that this imaging only fuels the fire for mind to get energy from my participation in/as the blame character.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating/going into internal conversations/backchat within myself, to stop and breathe, and not participate in the backchat, as I realize that the purpose of going into the backchat is only to further talk myself into participation in/as the blame character, so that the mind can feed off the energy that I generate while participating in/as this character, and thus I stop so I can become the directive principle and no linger give away my self direction and responsibility to the mind to control and direct who I am and how I behave, so that I can stand stable and constant as who I am no matter what situation/circumstance may come up, and to stop creating consequence and rather walk the correction, to be able to stand and direct situations into solutions that are best for all.

Day 106: Waiting to Stop Blame: Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Wait to stop Blaming within the belief that I don’t have a choice when it comes to blaming someone or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that whether or not I blame someone for something, depends on/is determined by the circumstances that’s taking place, and is not actually a decision I make myself to act/behave/think a certain way toward/about someone, where I’m using the particular circumstances to justify myself to think/act/react/experience myself a certain way, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore that it’s actually me deciding to go into blame toward another and the circumstances are irrelevant as it is just the excuse/reason/justification I use to go into the reaction of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this character of blame within/as me from following the examples I had around me as my parents, other adults, tv, movies, books/stories, music, religion, that present going into blame as ‘normal’ and imply that it’s a reaction that is ‘beyond one’s control’, as it’s determined by specific circumstances, while ignoring the fact that self has to actually give permission to the reaction, and it’s self that becomes and lives the reaction of blame toward another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept going into ‘blame’ as normal and just a part of ‘human nature’ and not realize that we decide what human nature is as we are busy living it, following the same patterns of the generation that came before, and that came before that, and so on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question ‘blame’ and investigate ‘blame’ to see what is the actual outflow/consequence of blame, and does it have a beneficial effect on life or is it in fact a massive part of the problem that keeps us from investigating ourselves and correcting our own individual natures because we’re instead busy pointing a finger at another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the fear within myself that another is doing something deliberately to harm/spite/take advantage of me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when someone has done something that affects me, not considering the possible reasons why such person acted as they did, which may very well have nothing to do with me, but what is going on in that person’s life/mind/situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I participate in blaming another, it is actually just an excuse to go into particular emotion/feeling/energetic reaction within myself, to feed my mind with energy which it requires to exist, and thus I am living just to feed the mind, and missing out on real living here as myself present and aware, and not possessed by the character of ‘blame’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate and believe in the pictures that come up in my mind as how things ‘would have gone’ if that person hadn’t done what they did or had acted in some other way, and to not see that it’s simply a picture in my mind, and thus not real, which my mind uses to convince me to into this character of blame, to go into an energetic experience to feed the mind energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out scenes in my imagination in which I am making assumptions of why/how the other person has acted where I imagine they may have acted deliberately to spite/harm me, and within this to not realize the fallibility of and the consequence of relying on assumptions that I have literally made up in my mind about another, and not considering if that person was to do the same to me that would not be cool, as they’d be literally judging you in their mind, without actually inquiring as to what the actual situation was, which is exactly what I do when I decide in my imagination what has taken place, when I have no real clue of why this person did what they did, or whether it was deliberate or not, and so judging them according to my imagination which isn’t even real, instead of communicating with them to find out what was actually going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in internal backchat conversations within myself using words/phrases like “How could they do this to me?” “It’s all their fault” “Why did they do this?” “Didn’t they see how this would harm/disadvantage/cause a negative experience for me?” They must’ve known how what they were doing would effect me and did it anyway!” and to not realize that the purpose of this internal conversation is to convince me to go into the character of blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the absolute physical possession that takes place when I go into the character of blame, as my very behaviors/thoughts/ mannerisms/tonality/movement becomes determined by/within the blame character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the consequence of participating in the blame character is that I give away my response ability where instead of looking for solutions to the situation, I go into blame towards another, which is a waste of time because no solutions come from blame, only an energetic personality take-over where I stop being here as myself and instead become the demon of blame, and within this I become exactly what it is I perceived the other to be doing which was to be deliberately spiteful towards me, which is exactly what going into blame is – because it is me decided to be deliberately spiteful towards another by making assumptions and judging them instead of standing equal to that person and treating them how I would like to be treated myself, and standing as an example of considering what is best for all, rather than being the example of spitefulness as blame.

Day 105: Waiting to Stop Blame – It’s Your Fault! How Could You?

Here is where when I’ll go into a reaction of blame toward another, and think that there is just no possible way I can stop blaming them for whatever reason has come up that I’ve decided to blame them for. And I don’t even see it as a decision, it’s simply taken for granted that in such a particular situation, I’ll go into blame. That’s called a program. I’ve accepted and allowed myself to program myself to react in a pattern of blame in certain situations. A pattern of behavior which I’ve learned from early in my life from the examples I saw around me, as the adults in my world, and examples that I saw in television, movies or in stories and books, it’s quite a common behavior to see, as it’s really quite a prominent point in accepted human nature.

So within looking at the Creation Dimension of how I created this character within myself, I can recall seeing this behavior presented in books and fairy-tales I read when little, and in how I saw adults react/act toward another in ‘real life’ in their interactions, especially my parents within their own relationship which is for most the primary relationship one is exposed to, and in television/movies, especially soap operas – along the lines of ‘How could you do this to me?’ and ‘This is all Your Fault’, where one person goes into angry reaction toward another for what has happened, and so I learned and copied this behavior in myself, and accepted it as ‘normal’ human behavior, and just a part of ‘human nature’, as it’s just ‘how we are’.

I mean, really, you’ll see this behavior everywhere, people blaming other people. We’ll do it individually, we’ll do it in groups. We’ll blame the sidewalk when we trip over it. We’ll blame the weather for spoiling our mood. I mean, it’s really a chronic behavior pattern, blame.
So what is really going on within this reaction of blame?

Well, firstly, let’s take a look at the Fear Dimension, as the initial fear that comes up that triggers and activates this character of Blame. Typically the fear is that this person is doing something deliberately to harm/spite/take advantage of me or failed to consider how something they did would harm/disadvantage me. This fear comes from the fact that sometimes people do deliberate acts toward another to harm/take advantage, cause we’re accepting ourselves to live in a society and world where we are placed into competition against one another, because we allow an economic system which does not support all of us equally, and thus this puts us in a position where we can’t trust each other, as we’re perpetually in competition with each other and where those not effectively supported by the system, have to ‘do what it takes’. We could easily correct this situation by implementing an Equal Money System that supports all of us to have the best possible life, instead of only a few.

This fear also comes from memories of past experiences of another doing deliberate harm/deliberately taking advantage, and where I went and took this personally, instead of considering the possible reasons why such person acted as they did, and not making a personal experience out of it, as it has nothing to do with me, but what is going on in that person’s life/mind/situation.

Fundamentally, it’s a point of Fear of Loss, as I fear that I have now lost something as being harmed/disadvantaged in some way, and within the character of Blame, I’ve decided that this other person is responsible for that loss and that this means I’ll go into a reaction of anger, judgment, rage, annoyance, frustration, toward them. So really, the fear and the playing out of this character is all just an excuse to get to have this particular emotion/feeling/energetic reaction within myself, so I’m actually using the situation as an energy-junky to feed my mind with a certain experience, with has nothing to do whatsoever with what happened, and how to practically address/direct the situation that has occurred. So you get really mad and frustrated at the other person, and go into this whole reaction in yourself, although whatever was done is done, and there’s no going back to change it, so now you’re just creating more consequence on top of what has already occurred, and totally distracted from sorting out what is going on in actual reality. So here we’ve looked at the Reaction Dimension of the character of Blame.

Now, within the Thought Dimension, the thought that comes up is usually a picture of how things ‘would’ve gone’ if such person had not done such thing, and this picture is seen as ‘positive’ and this is then compared with how things did go, which is seen as negative, and from here, once this positive/negative judgment is validated/accepted, I have then accepted that character of Blame to activate, where I now blame that other person for ‘creating’ this negative experience for me.
In the Imagination Dimension is where I’ll play out scenes in my mind in which I imagine the other person is deliberately deciding to harm me, or how they carried out whatever it was they did in deliberateness and spitefulness toward me, wherein I’m assuming how they must’ve acted and what they must’ve been thinking.

Then the Internal Conversation that arise within me within the Backchat Dimension is along the lines of: “How could they do this to me?” “It’s all their fault” “Why did they do this?” “Didn’t they see how this would harm/disadvantage/cause a negative experience for me?” They must’ve known how what they were doing would effect me and did it anyway!”

Within the Physical Dimension, what takes place within my physical is a tension in the shoulders, and a heaviness in the chest area, and even the movement of my eyes will change, where I’ll look sidelong at the person, like “I don’t trust you now I need to watch you out of the corner of my eye”. And how I speak toward the person will change, where my speaking will become terse, short, and forceful, like blunt in a way, and the tonality of my voice will become more ‘hard’ and ‘edgy’. So here just a few examples of the physical possession that takes place once the Blame character is activated.

Now let’s take a look at the Dimension of Consequence of what happens when we participate in the character of Blame. So, when something happens in my world/reality where I fear I’ve been taken advantage of/harmed by another, and I go into the reaction of Blame to become the Blame Character, I go into a personal experience of feelings/emotions/thoughts/backchat all within myself, which then effect my physical body as a possession that changes my very behaviors, the words I speak, the tonalities I’ll use when speaking, how I’ll move, and then bombarding my human physical body with the emotion/feeling reactions of anger/rage/frustration that sap the resources of the physical body.

Blame has the particular consequence of giving away one’s self responsibility, and thus one diminish oneself by participating in blame, because the whole point of blame is to focus on another, instead of oneself. So, while one is busy pointing the finger at someone else, one is actually distracting oneself from the actual solution to the situation, which is oneself. Self is the solution, because it’s self that is causing the reaction in the first place, as that’s how one has accepted oneself to react in such a situation. The solution is thus to stop participating in and fueling the reaction, as the other person has nothing to do with the reaction.

And THEN, once one’s personal reaction is sorted out, can the actual situation be addressed, as to whether there is really a problem, and to work out the best solution for all involved.

And As Above, So Below, as how we treat ourselves we treat the world at large, and so when we exist as Blame within/as ourselves, how is that effecting the world? What kind of world are we creating? Well obviously everyone is busy blaming each other instead of investigating oneself and sorting oneself out first, so that we can then all work together toward solutions.

So, no more Waiting for an excuse/reason/justification to stop Blame when realizing that I am the creator of the character of Blame within myself, and of the reactions I experience, and thus I am the only one that can stop what I am creating. And in the realization of the extensive consequences created by participation in/as the character of Blaming. It never brings about any kind of solution, and only creates consequence that is of no benefit to life whatsoever.

Self forgiveness and Commitment Statements on the Character of Blame and Waiting to Stop Blame to come.

Day 104: Many Characters of Waiting

Featured Artwork by Andrew Gable

So I’m going to start writing out, one by one, all the different characters I can find in which I become/live as a character of Waiting, where I’m giving in to some reason/justification/excuse as to why I apparently can’t stop living as a certain pattern instead of realizing that I am the one that can change me, nothing else in fact can, and thus I am only ever waiting for myself to change.

The key to this is realizing and remembering that any reaction of separation one has toward something/someone else is never valid. For example blaming another, being jealous of another, judging another, being angry at another, being disappointed with another, and there’s many more possible reactions that come up in us toward others.

And this applies to anyone or anything in one’s reality – could be a person, a place, a particular scenario, a scent, a memory, a picture, a particular sound, tonality of someone’s voice, a certain hairstyle, etc, that one has a reaction to. Basically anything that is here, it’s possible to have a reaction toward.

Now, notice, the physical does not react in separation toward itself. Your house is not busy reacting toward the color of your car, for example. Seems ridiculous in that context, doesn’t it? Yet that’s what we do without even realizing it most of the time, we’ve so taken it for granted and accepted it as just a part of who we are. Because we learned these patterns for the most part in our very early childhood, and have since ‘forgotten’ that we actually learned these behaviors, we weren’t born this way, reacting to things, we were just here. Being here as a physical being interacting with the physical world, which is essentially just an extension of oneself, as we all come from the same substance, we’re made of the same particles, and it’s quite silly indeed for one group of particles to judge another, and it’s outrightly insane that they’d go to war with each other, and all the other atrocities that we are committing toward those who are just other versions of ourselves.

So the point is to ‘get back to’ that point of ‘innocence’ before I became programmed with all sorts of reactions to my world/environment/reality, so that I can actually live here and experience and participate in real physical reality, and not spend the time I have here, wasting it away in reactions to things. Cause that’s not really living. And there are serious consequences for living as reactions and separation toward what is here, which you can see as all the atrocities that’s taking place, in all the harm the we’re doing to one another, and to our very own selves. So not only do you waste your life away, in chemical reactions which wreak havoc on your physical human body, but so we wreak havoc on the entire physical reality, as a direct result of the judgments and reactions we’re participating in towards our world/reality/environment/other beings.

So I’ll be walking through and deconstructing all the patterns of Waiting as the multiple Characters and their dimensions that I find I have existed as, in which I have accepted myself as the patterns I’ve become as 'who I am' and thus can only Wait for Change to happen to me, within this getting into the nitty-gritty of each character and deconstructing the various dimensions of each character, so I can release these patterns through self forgiveness and corrective application, and walk here as a real being in oneness and equality, that lives in a way that is best for all life.

Links

Day 108: Waiting to Value Myself

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Day 107: Blame Character – Commitment Statements

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Day 106: Waiting to Stop Blame: Self Forgiveness

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Day 105: Waiting to Stop Blame – It’s Your Fault! How Could You?

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Day 104: Many Characters of Waiting

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