Day 42: How I’ve Sabotaged Myself: Spirituality as The Search for 'Something More'

I was disappointed with myself and my life/my world and this entirety of existence, as so many of us are, no matter how successfully we’ve hidden this from ourselves, in order to cope with the way things are, because we’ve accepted the belief that things won’t/can’t change and that there’s nothing ‘little old me’ can do to change the world/my reality.

So within this, we begin to seek out experiences that are ‘more’ than how we’re currently experiencing ourself – within the belief that there just has to be more to life ‘somewhere out there’,  ‘this can’t be all I am’ or ‘all there is to life’.

And it’s within this desire that we are driven to search for more, but since all that is here is the physical reality as it is, as we’ve accepted and allowed it to become, and as we’re not creating it to be anything ‘more’ than what it currently is – there is nothing ‘out there’ as ‘more’. So, for us to ‘find’ something that is more, we have to actually delude ourselves into thinking we’ve found some ‘higher experience’, and to do this we have the mind consciousness system, through which we can generate energetic experiences within ourself, and when we attach or attribute that feeling to something outside of ourself, within our reality, then we think we’ve ‘found something special’ – as it apparently gives us this ‘exciting’ energetic feeling within.

So, it was within this belief that things outside myself are be responsible for how I experience myself within myself, that I sought for things in my reality that would give me ‘positive’ experiences, where I could feel excited, like ‘there’s something more to life after all’ – yet within this I never once considered the common sense that in order for there to be something ‘more out there’, we’d have to be creating it, and thus it’s pointless to be searching for ‘something out there’, the point would be to get busy expanding myself and my reality through actual action and self expansion – which would mean no longer accepting myself as limited within ‘what can little old me do?’ and all the various excuses/justifications as to why we must simply accept the world the way it is, and ourselves the way we are, and that change would be so difficult that it’s not even worth to attempt it.

Of course within this, we are actually creating and justifying our own limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing I can do to change/have an impact in the world, or in my world as my environment and the beings and forms I interact with, or the world within myself, as what goes on within me, within my mind and within my human physical body.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that there is nothing ‘more’ to find in this reality, and within that to not consider that I wanted to ‘find’ something more ‘out there’ as I didn’t want to actually have to do the labor/effort required to actually change this world and reality into ‘more’ than it is now, but was looking for instant-gratification, as I’ve been conditioned to believe that to be instantly gratified will lead to actual satisfaction as a part of the brainwashing done to create humans into zombies that only buy and consume and look to avoid what appears to take effort, and thus within this- 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I am disappointed with my world and this reality because I am not actually taking the effort to actually make something of this world and of myself, but am accepting myself and the world as limited, and thus I am the very cause of my disappointment in this reality – so, to continue in this pattern of not taking action, of avoiding effort, and looking for instant gratification, and the acceptance of not doing anything, of not considering what I’m capable of  – is actually the cause of my disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that - I- am actually causing my disappointment in the world, where instead of changing myself I am remaining within limitation, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that this serves consumerism and greed as I will be dependent on outside sources to ‘entertain’ me as distracting me from my own disappointment, instead of becoming the solution of myself of actually looking at, what am I able to do in this world, what is necessary to make a change in my world and reality, and realizing that I could change myself within no longer accepting and allowing myself as not able to ‘make a difference’ in this world, and giving in to thoughts as justifications like ‘well, no one else is doing anything, so why should I? It won’t make a difference, I’m just one person’ – within this not considering that I followed the examples of others within my world within accepting limitation, and thus I can stand as an example for others in not accepting limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is no point to not do everything I can to change myself and change this world, as if I am really wanting the world to be ‘more’ than it is – I have to make it so, by growing and expanding myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the state of the world is actually the reflection of myself where who I have accepted and allowed myself to be is what I have accept and allow to exist in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that everything that is here as this world system we created – where if you take away humanity, it all disappears, and thus it is all of us creating it, as the accumulated effort of each and every individual here, and thus it is each and every individual that must change for this world to change, and that means I must change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the creator of what I experience within myself and thus nothing that I come across/interact with in my world/this reality is actually responsible for creating what I feel within myself or how I experience myself, and that it is actually me that is creating the experience of excitement when I come across something in my world that I perceive to be ‘more’ or ‘special’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not notice how when I come across something in my reality that seems to be something ‘more’ or ‘special’ or with some added ‘meaning’ or special ‘significance’ to it, that I am actually creating that perception through/within my desire to find something more, within convincing myself that what I see is actually more than what it simply is – where for example, I might interpret a flashing light in the sky as a ufo, or a strange footprint as belonging to an alien, or a brush of wind as being ‘god reaching out to touch me’, or wondering of the significance of staring at the clock when it is exactly 3:33 or 11:11.

I commit myself to when I notice that I am making more out of something that is here, and to breathe, stop, and bring myself back to reality, so that I can stop manifesting the consequence of not taking action in my life and accepting and allowing myself to settle for distractions that I come up with in my mind and literally have to convince myself to believe, so that I can instead become the solution to the disappointment with reality that I am trying to distract myself from/cope with – and thus solve the problem once and for all and no longer be enslaved within a cycle of acceptance of myself and this world as limited where I am ‘unable’ and ‘incapable’ of change and action and of really truly living.

I commit myself to realize that I am the cause of/am responsible for every reaction/feeling/experience that takes place within me, and thus I commit myself to realize in the moment that I am experiencing a reaction to something, whether positive or negative, that I am the creator of that reaction, and that I can actually stop that reaction, by remaining here with/as breath and utilizing the tool of self forgiveness to support and assist myself to no longer validate and participate in the reaction, and within this, taking back my self direction and self will, to no longer be a victim of my own manipulation, wherein I utilize manifestations outside/separate from myself to induce certain chemical reactions within my human physical body, so that I can have a certain feeling experience within myself, which I am creating in the first place, at the expense of my body as the mind consciousness system utilizes the resources of the physical body to generate and produce the feeling experiences.

I commit myself to developing and expanding myself as a real being in actual reality, instead of limiting myself within self beliefs of limitation, so that I will no longer be disappointed with myself for accepting myself as limited, and thus become the solution as self will, self movement, and self direction to become a force and presence in this world that can have an impact in manifesting where the human is supported to grow and live and explore one’s potential, instead of a world where the human is supported to remain enslaved to self-imposed and self-accepted limitation, to feed the greed as an instant-gratification seeking consumer that will buy buy buy to try to fill that void that self is creating in the first place.

I commit myself to seeing the world as it is, and not coloring it through my minds ‘I’ to paint a pretty picture over the Reality that I have accepted and allowed to exist, so that I can face the reality I have created and in that face myself and investigate myself to see how what I accept and allow within myself is how I manifest this world , and within understanding how I create what is here and manifest my reality, I can then correct every part of myself through which I’ve manifested a world of limitation, to rather create a world where actual Life exists, where Life actually grows and expands, not diminish within limitation.

I commit myself to realize that the world seems limited as a reflection of my own accepted and allowed limitation, and thus I stop searching to find something ‘more’ out there, but look within myself to root out all the limitation I exist as, to no longer manifest the world as limited as the reflection of who I am.

For further perspectives on different Dimensions of Spirituality read A Spiritual Journey To Life

No comments:

Post a Comment