Relationships as they currently exist are based in polarities,
through which we take ourselves on roller-coaster rides of energetic
experiences, that wreak havoc on our physical bodies, yet it’s this
up-and-down, happy-then-sad cycles that we’ve become addicted to, and that we
call ‘living’. Why did I accept the roller-coaster of love as a valid pursuit of
my time? Why did I refuse to see that the negative comes with the positive and
that you can’t have one without the other? Because I wanted to believe that I
could somehow have those positive experiences without the negative, or that at
least the positive would ‘outweigh’ the negative and that those ‘good moments’
would make it ‘all worthwhile’.
But those good moments weren’t really real moments, because what I
was experiencing was an energetic feeling inside myself, not an actual
experience in physical reality, and thus why such experiences as such feelings,
never lasted, because they weren’t actually based in the physical, but merely
chemical reactions induced inside my body, feeding off my body, to give me a
rush just like a drug.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that feeling experiences are real experiences, not realizing that the feelings
I was experiencing inside myself was not something actually taking place in
reality, as an actual physical experience, but is only energy moving within me
and feeding off my body like a parasite, to give me a ‘fake’ experience,
distracting me from actual reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not
realize that by spending my time and efforts to manipulate my world and the
beings in it, in order to create certain energetic feeling experiences within
myself, that I actually am wasting time and breath that could be spent being
here in actual reality and learning how to live effectively and have effective
relationships that are based on actual physical experience as what it really
means to be in a relationship as a partnership as an agreement between oneself and
another being living together practically, actually getting to know each other
as who each other are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not
consider that when I am living within the focus of manipulating my
relationships in order to generate these energetic experiences for myself, that
I am actually not living here as simply myself as who I am, but my behaviors
and mannerisms are all geared toward this goal of manipulation, and thus if
within a relationship both partners are living this starting point, then
neither being is getting to know each other as who they really are, as neither
is living as who they really are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not
consider that this is where the feeling/experience of ‘losing oneself’ in a
relationship, and feeling like you ‘can’t just be yourself’ comes from, as one
has literally given oneself over to living as a system, living as the mind
consciousness system that is designed to manipulate for energy, and thus one
becomes more and more ‘trapped’ into specific behaviors in order to maintain
the relationship as one is addicted to the energy that one ‘gets’ from being in
the relationship.
I commit myself to realizing that energetic experiences are just
that and aren’t actually taking place in physical reality, but only within
oneself as a chemical reaction, and thus is not a real experience.
I commit myself investigate where I give focus to energetic
experiences as if they are real, and to become aware of how and where I
manipulate in order to generate energetic experiences within myself, that serve
to only deplete my human physical body for the sake of a drug-like chemical
reaction, so I can stop living for energy and live for real in the physical
reality as a physical being.
I commit myself to no longer approach relationships from the starting point of manipulating and
seeking energetic experiences, so that I and have real relationships that are
based on physical reality and on getting to know myself and another as who we
really are, as physical beings here, not controlled and living for an addiction
to energy that we call ‘love’.
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