Because he was my ticket to sex. I was afraid that if I broke up with him, it could be a really long time before I'd have sex again, since I'd have to find someone and then go through the process of building a relationship with them before we'd get to the point where we'd be having sex. So, I opted to stay in this abusive relationship, because of my desire to have sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by allowing myself to be controlled by a desire for sex, wherein I accepted and allowed myself to be abused out of fear of not being able to have sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only sex with another person is good enough and that I could not effectively satisfy myself, and due to accepting this belief, I compromised myself within accepting myself to be in an abusive unsupportive relationship, and within separating myself from my sexual expression, within believing that I required another person to truly be satisfied.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to delude and convince myself to remain in an abusive relationship, when I actually knew all along what I was accepting and allowing for myself, knew exactly how I was compromising myself, but gave in to the fear and desire for sex anyway, within this compromising my self trust by not standing as the common sense that I see as what is best for me and everyone, but denying the common sense that I saw, within this making the choice to participate in self deception, and giving in to a desire that I didn't allow myself to see I was actually creating myself, within my thoughts, feelings, & backchat that I was participating in, where I actually developed and supported the desire for sex that I allowed to control and direct my behavior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within the common sense that I realized that this relationship was not supportive for either partner, within this accepting and allowing both myself and my partner to participate in a relationship that was not supportive for either of us, and within this by accepting and allowing myself to be limited within a relationship of abuse, I also accept and allow such abuse to exist in the world, by living the example of giving in to any reason to accept and allow self abuse and compromise.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing a desire to direct me, which leads to me making decisions that compromise myself and others.
I commit myself to realizing that sexual expression while it is cool with another person, does not require another person, and I am able to explore and enjoy sexual expression with/as myself.
I commit myself to not compromise my self trust, and in moments where I see what is best for me and all to do, that I do it and do not give in to reasons/justifications/excuses/desires to not do it, leading to consequences for myself and others which could have easily been avoided.
I commit myself to not accepting or allowing myself to remain in an abusive and unsupportive relationship for any reason, as that is extreme self abuse, and within that I am limiting and diminishing myself and my world, by accepting and allowing such abuse, and not standing up and taking self responsibility to stop accepting and allowing abuse in my world, within the understanding that what I accept for myself I accept for everyone, and thus I am responsible for the abuse that exists in the world and it's up to me to stand as the example of what I'd like to see in this world, which is an end to all abuse, including the self abuse of accepting and allowing oneself to remain in an abusive relationship.
I commit myself to ensuring that all relationships I form will be done within the interest of what's best for all, which means not accepting and allowing abuse within relationships, and firstly realigning my self relationship so that I can stand in self trust that I will not compromise myself for desires, as I see the unnecessary and painful consequences that leads to, where one wastes years of their life in an unsupportive relationship only living for that one desire, and never actually living or expanding oneself within an agreement with one's partner where each assists and supports themself and each other as a group to grow and expand to one's full potential.